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Author Topic: Does Anyone Else Have This Problem??  (Read 1982 times)
Paisleyskye
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« on: January 07, 2001, 09:12:00 AM »

I am having a dilemna.  On my husbands days off work (Saturdays and Sundays), he tends to get very jealous of the computer, and of me studying.  If I get called out on a service call he flips out.

I know we need time to spend together, but I have to work, and I have to study.

Does anybody else have this problem?  If so how do you work around it?  

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« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2001, 04:41:00 PM »

How much time do you spend on the weekends studying?  Surely you don't have to study all day. Maybe arrange to study just on Saturday and put the books away on Sunday, or just get up early in the mornings before your husband is awake and try studying a few hours in the morning even after he awakens; it just won't seem as long to him cause he slept through some of it.  I would imagine you've thought of a lot of this, and not knowing your daily schedule I am some loss for good suggestions.

As for the service calls, are you on-call 24/7 everyday of the week, 100% of the time, or do you share call with other techs? I worked for a healthcare company in which my boss and I split call at first, then within a couple years he was out of town 2/3 of the time, and I ended up taking call 23 days out of every month.  That was certainly challenging for me and I'm single, obviously many times more challenging if you're juggling family needs as well.  If you're taking more call than is reasonable, I'd talk with your boss about getting some relief.  If you're the sole on-call support maybe your boss needs to hire additional assistance.  If your boss is unwilling then I'd start evaluating other opportunities.

Try to step out of yourself, if you will, and determine if your studying and on-call is interfering unreasonably.  Then determine whether your husband is being reasonable as well.  You do need to study to gain skills to get better opportunities, maybe even a position with less or no on-call, and while you're employed in this position you are going to have service calls.  And your husband needs to be grown up enough to understand this.  If your spending endless weekend hours studying and working at service calls without being considerate of him, I can understand his frustration.  But if its a few hours over the weekend (10 to 15), then he needs to get a hobby to take up his time.  Some individuals just seem to require more attention from loved ones.

Take all this with a grain of salt.  Apply that which seems logical and reasonable.  I am single and male, I like to study in my free time, and I am fiecely independent, so in the same situation, rather than whine, I'd go study myself. Also, I've experienced on-call as well, so I sympathize.  Obviously, I am biased.
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GalaxyGal
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« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2001, 01:35:00 AM »

I can sympathize!
No matter what relationship I was in this was a problem.  However I have learned that I must schedule this time - so when he is off doing something else I am on the computer.  I try to set a time table too, so that he knows what to expect.  If he wants me to change it so we can do something say Saturday night, so I will work late Friday night or early Saturday for 4 hours maximum and tell hime what I will be doing.  That way it is spelled out and he feels free to do the same without interrupting me.  Sometimes flexibility is the problem I tend to focus on what I want and forget about him.  So to balance my life I then try to make time for just him like spending Saturday from 8-2.  So that way we can do dinner, a show, and drinks - alone.  No friends, family or interruptions.  That is the key!

But I am a sneak if he falls asleeep while we are watching a movie on cable, I sneak off to the computer to get some stuuf in.

Ciao,
GalaxyGal
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« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2001, 01:25:00 AM »

I am totally laughing...not at you but because not only can I identify but I think many women can. Men can't live with em just can't shoot 'em. That is so normal ...just explain to him that this is very important to you and you really need his support. If he can't do that....you need to re think your situation with him. Yea some days it takes all day to study. Iknow when I get on a roll I don't want to stop. And those woman guilties or mommy guilties kick in good grief! I guess I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone...there is allot of us out there! What I do is do what I have to because I know when I am finished (yeah right lol) that I will feel better about me and be able to provide better for my family and myself! Don't let anyone tell you any different! Lots of luck!

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« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2001, 08:35:00 PM »

Actually, in the CCNA forum, the guys are complaining that their spouses/girlfriends are not understanding of their study needs.

It's profession, not gender, causing the problem.  Set aside some time as if you were taking a class, and use that as your study time.  Let your husband know how much money you're saving by doing self-study over paying for college classes.  That might help.  ;-)
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« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2001, 05:41:00 AM »

I used to have this problem and I did talk to my boss about it.  His philosphy is "happy family....productive employee".  He's even allowed for some on-the job study time when things were slow and he doesn't push certifications that much so studying has not been a priority.  If he asks me to work a weekend, I just tell him "I got a date".  
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Flynmonkie
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« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2001, 10:13:00 PM »

 
Quote
Originally posted by ymvv:
I used to have this problem and I did talk to my boss about it.  His philosphy is "happy family....productive employee".  He's even allowed for some on-the job study time when things were slow and he doesn't push certifications that much so studying has not been a priority.  If he asks me to work a weekend, I just tell him "I got a date".  

Hey I think you need to give some of us your bosses name and nuber! LOL! Hopefully I can speak for most so....Bless him for us! =]

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Shannon Aka~Flynmonkie
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« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2001, 03:49:00 AM »

Let me see, I am 36 and have been married 2 times.  Both husbands were TOTALLY computer illiterate.  It is hard when they want nothing to do with your profession.  I am currently living with someone in the same field.  He understands that I need to study, and we are able to share our experiences and information.  
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freak
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« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2001, 04:02:00 AM »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Paisleyskye:
I am having a dilemna.  On my husbands days off work (Saturdays and Sundays), he tends to get very jealous of the computer, and of me studying.  If I get called out on a service call he flips out.

I know we need time to spend together, but I have to work, and I have to study.

Does anybody else have this problem?  If so how do you work around it?  


I know, I know, I am a man, therefore this question is not really for me to answer, but I just wanted to point out that studying is not something you do for yourself, but for your family, to better everybody's life through a better job/salary.  My wife is fantastic at giving me time when I need to study. Sure I miss the time I am not with her, but we have this understanding that if we want to achieve the goals we set for ourselves, then I need some time every week to study.
My wife is awesome  Cheesy



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« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2001, 07:33:00 PM »

I have been married a long time and my children are both adults 20 and 26 and still living at home. When I made the decision to go back to school, I explained how things would be and they are all very supportive. Sure my husband complains some but he knows how committed I am. I just achieved my MCSE and I am in my last semester for a degreee in Internet Technology. It also helps that we are all a computer family, with the exception of the 26 year old who is a plumber.
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Flynmonkie
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« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2001, 02:13:00 PM »

I just love hearing success stories  Cheesy  ....oh yeah talk about being involved with someone whom is computer illiterate, my fianc?e is a Chef and owns a restaurant! he is very familiar with CAD from school. But other than that I think that he thinks I speak Martian or something. But it works out. I am the computer guru and he is the chef  :)I like that whole idea! And thank goodness so does he!  Cheesy  

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~Flynmonkie
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