Does anyone else have minor battles with spouse over spending to much time studying? My spouse thinks I need to spend more time with the family. So, I started reading Sybex while my family watches TV or goes out to our gigantic play thingy in the side yard. She still says I need to pay more attention. As you know, this is a difficult exam and requires a lot of concentrated reading! Plus, I am busy with Linux classes and Oracle! (Thanks tax payers!)I mean, when I get out the military how am I supposed to feed the kids and provide? I am venting I guess. Please, tell me I am not alone here. Maybe this is a little too personal...I don't know.

uantity

Report this post to a moderator

Just tell her to help you with these difficult days...and later she will reap the crops in $$$$$$$...

Report this post to a moderator

As another military person, I have had the graces to spend a lot of time in the gulf because someone needed our ships over there.
The best you can do is balance your time between the two, and attempt to pull your spouse's support.
Remember, the time it took you to write the message cannot be recovered. I lost a lot of years watching my kids grow. And I cant get them back.
That said, strike a balance between the family and studies, you will need them for your transition.

Report this post to a moderator

Unsolved mystery

Myself, not married, girlfriend,the problem, distribution of time. I need to become focused like I was not to long ago. To the married folks out there, do your best, and I wish you all the power to deal with multiple problems that you must deal with, work/car/ mortgage/ rent/kids/ taxes/ ccna/etc, you all are truly strong and focused, as for me, well? To be continued
Warning
CCNA needs most peoples undivided attention, if you are just starting out, and are on the hunt for a girlfriend/ boyfriend, you may want to reconsider. No I am having a bad take on relationships, I am pragmatic, and I know what level of play I am capable of, being single.

Report this post to a moderator

quote:

---

Originally posted by quantity:
Does anyone else have minor battles with spouse over spending to much time studying? My spouse thinks I need to spend more time with the family. So, I started reading Sybex while my family watches TV or goes out to our gigantic play thingy in the side yard. She still says I need to pay more attention. As you know, this is a difficult exam and requires a lot of concentrated reading! Plus, I am busy with Linux classes and Oracle! (Thanks tax payers!)I mean, when I get out the military how am I supposed to feed the kids and provide? I am venting I guess. Please, tell me I am not alone here. Maybe this is a little too personal...I don't know.

uantity

---

Been there, am there, doing that. Balancing family and career is hard in this industry, because there is ALWAYS more to learn and the books etc. can ALWAYS come home. My situation is "interesting" these days because I just got remarried in August, we have a "happy surprise" due in May, and getting some certification tests passed just got really important. My very personal observations, FWIW:

1) Wives don't always understand how hot a button "providing for the family" is for many husbands/fathers. Many men's (certainly my) self-worth is on the line there. You might want to try explaining to her what you would feel like if you didn't put in your very best effort and the family ended up in financial difficulty. My spouse understands that sort of talk much better than the "Well, if I don't, how will we pay the bills?"

2) We have one "date night" a week that is absolutely untouchable. We've agreed that even moving it to a different night takes an Act of Congress (we've done it once in 5 months). No books, no computers, phone ringer off, no TV, no talk about kids, bills, or ex-spouses. Then when I'm taking time for the books, she has time that's just for her to look forward to.

3) We found it helpful to talk about specific amounts of time rather than the more general, "You're not spending enough time with the family." In our case, the real problem seemed to be more what she believed my priorities are (she turned out to mean, "You always seem to be thinking about that stuff,"), rather than the number of minutes spent physically in their vicinity.

I agreed to make sure I spent a block of time actively engaged with kids every day (helping with homework, having them help when I tackle a "honey-do," playing a game, etc). That time was happening anyway, and doesn't come in one chunk or at the same time every day. Some hectic days it doesn't happen, but we make sure to compensate for it. But committing to specifics again helped with the "perception of priorities" thing, and helped her understand that "not enough time" is pretty vague. It also helps her when I proactively get something going ("Let's take a look at your book report," "Want to play foosball?"); our discussions have helped me do that more.

I guess in general, what helped us was to let my study time be study time (not in front of the TV; they can do that fine without me), and to keep all the books, notes, etc. on my desk. When I'm there, I'm studying; when I'm not, I'm not.

4) When I am doing "quiz/review" questions out of Lammle, or using stuff I printed from the web, I ask her to read me the questions (that's why I print 'em ). Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. But she feels like she's involved in the process, doesn't feel like I "like the computer stuff more than spending time with her," helps her see that there's progress happening. It also makes you learn the material a lot better if you try to explain at least the gist of the concept to a non-techie. ("Honey, what's a protocol anyway?") It also helps me stay awake and focussed since I'm listening and talking, not just reading and thinking.

There's certainly no perfect answer, but if something here helps, great.

doctorcisco

------------------
Silicon is made from sand; nothing made from sand is allowed to wreck my day!

Report this post to a moderator

The family should always come first. How you make this happen, it's up to you... Good luck!

Cheers!

Report this post to a moderator

Like the good Dr... Been there, done that, doing that.
As for how I handle it I take care of the wife and kids defferently.
I have two Manchildren. They live with with my first Ex. When they come over, which is about every weekend I hang with them. By the time the weekend is here I need a break anyway so it Playstation time! We do all kinds and its a great time for all. Anyways, my oldest Manchild is 14 now and he's got a ton of buds online so I let him use my system. This allows her to spend time on her system to keep in touch with her frends and surf the web while I hang with the my boys.
Now, as for the next Ex. dealing with her is simple. If she gives me any lip or tude over how much time I'm spending on Cisco ...well, I just tell her to quite down, ease up on tude or it will be even longer before she gets anymore spankings or floggings.
I know this don't work for SOME folks and as for you the only thing that comes to mind is, your in the Corps, you have access to wepons and your well trained. I really don't under stand why you would have any problems.
I'm sorry if all this isn't any help to you, I do feel for you and hope when all is said and done that your wife and your kids come to realize that all this time and effort was not only for yourself but for them and there future as well. I'm sure they will.
Ron

Report this post to a moderator

If you do not spend enough time with your spouse or family and still go ahead to fail the exams then it becomes too bad. You must balance your family life because you need a peaceful and conducive environment to move on. When you write the exams and fail you need soothing words and understanding to carry on.

Report this post to a moderator

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jazebel:
When you write the exams and fail you need soothing words and understanding to carry on. [/B]

---

Report this post to a moderator

Hey, quantity, hang in there. Sounds like many of us are in a similar situation. I'm playing Mr.Mom at the moment and it is hard work juggling nightschool, study and my wife working odd shifts - she fly's for Qantas airways; so she's working all hours.
Have you or can you in your current situation physically write down a study schedule and stick to it. Set aside particular blocks of time to study. If your in the military your used to discipline!!
Dmaftei is right the family should come first though. One day that great job may not be there on Monday - but if you treat them right your family will always be there for you. Compromise is a part of life. I'm sure if you think logically and write down a time management strategy you'll feel awhole lot better. There's always plenty of support in this forum. Good luck - Grollo

Report this post to a moderator