It was Saturday, the rain had been beating down mercilessly since Monday. It was the sort of weather that would cause anyone named Noah to go to his shed and grab his hammer and the biggest bag of nails he could lay his hands on, before going to the woods to grab himself a tree or two.

But Horatio wouldn't be doing any of that. For one his name wasn't Noah, he didn't have a shed and the nearest forest was further away than the amount of petrol he had in his tank would get him.

Instead he was looking out the window and wondering whether leaving his convertibles roof down overnight was the biggest mistake he'd made this year or was that beaten into second place by his clumsy attempt to seduce his neighbour after drinking the contents of a champagne bottle out of her favourite Jimmy Choo shoes.

Normally making a fool of himself while trying to chat up any of the local female wildlife would not prey on his mind longer than it took to light his next fag, but he had been slowly building up his relationship with her next door over the last 3 months. She was different, she wasn't like the others in his town.

And it was his town.

It bore his name.

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The town had started off as just a small farm over two centuries ago, owned and built up by his great, great great, great,. . . . grandad. As the farm had prospered extra farm hands were needed and they needed housing for them and their families and so the original farm became a village and then on to what it was now a small but prosperous town.

Unfortunately his family had not faired so well as the town. It had been alright up until his father had become head of the family. He was not cut in the same mould as his forebears and had rather fritted away the familys wealth on a series of ill thoughtout business ventures, which is why we find Horatio living in a standard semi detached house in a quite average part of town as opposed to the big house on the hill.

As his non focused eyes continued to look out in the general direction of his car a shadow came across the window and what looked like a giant bat seemed to float past, making it's way towards his front door. Now his town was not known for it's colony of vampires. And with good reason neither Buffy nor Angel lived here, Blade never passed through and Kate Beckinsale had never even heard of the place. Oh and the fact that there were no Vampires in his town might have also had something to do with it.

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So for this reason he suddenly became much more alert and put things in motion to make his eyes get into focus. Ok, he put on his glasses. That could of been a mistake because he then saw exactly what the bat like creature was.

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"Stand and deliver your money or your life!
Try and use a mirror no bullet or a knife!

Im the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion . . . . . "


"Dammit", gutterally muttered Horatio "I really need to change that".

The doorbell had been installed by his younger, more mischevious, brother while he was away for a few weeks earlier in the year.

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Horatio didn't know whether to ignore it, or go and open the door and face what was on the other side.


The decision was taken out of his hands as it seems he had forgotten to close the door properly last night. With a shaking of a large and very wet umbrella his next door neighbour crossed the threshold.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it wasn't that one. It was the elderly and rather busybody type one who lived to the otherside. Horatio for a long time now had wanted to tell Majorie where to get off, to leave him alone, to mind her own business, but, there was a but, in fact there was two very big buts as to why he couldn't do that.

The first but was because of this very busybodyness of her. it was six months earlier when she had noticed he had not brought in his milk for a couple of days and she called round to see if he was OK only to find him lying prostate on his front room floor with a bloody gash across his face.

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The owner of said bloody gash was one of the local wildlife who would never again run with the pack on a Friday night after payday. It was also very unfortunate for Horatio that not only had she had the misfortune to end up dead spralled across him, but also she was on the blob at the time.

The second but was, well, Majorie was his mother.

"Do you know you have left the roof down on your car again?" Said Marjorie.

"Yes Mother"

And you know it's been raining all night?"

"Yes Mother"

"So why are you still here indoors then and not out there closing the car's roof?"

"Because it's raining."

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later, after his mother had left, his car roof now firmly closed, Horatio looked in the direction of his answermachine, he couldn't understand why he had not seen it's little red light flashing before. Oh yeah, before his mother had come round it had been under a pile of last nights clothes.

As he reached the table the machine was on, before he could press the button, the phone made the noise only a phone can make.

A ding ding ding ding diding pscht
Bedom bohm bom bom bom bom bom bom booourhm bedom bedom bedom bedom bom bom boohm
bedom
Bedarbedarbedarbedarbedar brrimm
blimm blamm bam ba ba ba ba
WHEEEEEEEEEE!


"Dammit", his brother had been here too

"Horatio, we think you had better get yourself to your office pronto." said the gruff voice when H picked up the handset.

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"Why, what is it?"

"It's a smallish room inside a building where you meet your potential clients and keep all your business records, but that is not important right now" said Billy. "You just need to be there".

A phone call from Billy on a Saturday morning was not good news. A phone call from Billy wanting to meet him at his office on Saturday was bad news. In fact a phone call from Billy on a Saturday wanting to meet him in his office and ripping off lines from spoof movies starring Leslie Nielsen was very, very bad news.

H was not looking forward to the journey. One, the car seats were going to be soaking, and two, driving along the road to his office on a bright and sunny day was a challenge, but on a day when it was pouring with rain and had been for a number of days meant the road was going to be treacherous.

H considered calling Billy back and saying he couldn't get into the office and couldn't they just meet somewhere else, when bursting throught the door, he really should have closed it after his mother had left, came his next door neighbour. Yes that one. the Champagne in the Jimmy Choo shoes one.

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"Have you heard on the news?"

"What is it?"

"Well, it's information about current events that you didn't have before, but that's not important".

Dammit it, now even she had picked up doing those lines.

"No, what is on the news that you think I should have heard?"

"Well you remember that dead girl that was here six months ago?"

"How could I have forgotten?"

"Well they have found her sister . . . . "

"I didn't know she was lost"

". . . . dead . . . .."

"What?"


". . . . . . in your office"


"Oh SHIT!"

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It wasn't the first time Billy and Horatio had enjoyed a cup of tea whilst standing over a dead naked girl. Although the word enjoyed probably doesn't best describe the emotion of the moment.

Also last time Horatio was feeling a little more worse for wear physically than he was now.

Was he getting used to seeing dead naked girls from the same family or was it more to do with the fact that this time he hadn't been hit over the head with a large rubber double ended dildo.

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