DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates

Athletic......................................No t*ts

Average looking...............Has a face like an a*se

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Feminist..........................................Fat

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former sl*t

Fun..........................................Annoying

Gentle...........................................Dull

Good Listener................................Autistic

New-Age............................Body hair problems

Old-fashioned.........................No BJs or an*al

Open-minded.................................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk

Poet.......................................Depressive

Professional....................................B*tch

Romantic.......................................Frigid

Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket

Voluptuous...................................Very Fat

Large lady.................................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

Widow.........................................Murderer


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = I need to complain

7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead

11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby
thighs

13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something
expensive

15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now

16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
ever think
about?

17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and
find a good
game on TV

18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that
you're really
not going to like

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question

8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with
you

10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex
with you

11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex
with you

12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for
other men to
have sex with you

13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to
have sex with
you within the next 3 mins.

14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing
that I am a deep

person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm
gay

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