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Home > Archive > microsoft.public.cert.exams.mcse > April 2004 > life is tough when your stupid
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life is tough when your stupid
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| <wholepileofuselescrapsnipped>
made me think of "it" when I read these:
ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have a half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or
twelve," was the reply. "So can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?" "That's right." So
I shook my head and ordered six Mc Nuggets.
TWO: The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a
couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider"
looking it all over for the barcode so she could scan it. Not finding
the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to
her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said
"OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue as to what
had just happened.
THREE: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was
doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for
a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced
the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why
don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long
walk."
FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
"blank" copies.
SIX: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister. I
asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set
the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming
from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT: Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing
a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling
the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
--
Neil MCNGP #30
"you'd do what, to who, for how many biscuits?"
| |
| The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere 2004-04-23, 4:23 pm |
| >EIGHT: Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing
>a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
>machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
>pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling
>the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
>confessed.
Now that I can believe......
Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3
| |
| FrisbeeŽ 2004-04-23, 4:23 pm |
| The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere wrote:
>
> Now that I can believe......
Probably because that's the only one that I'm 99% sure actually happened.
A really good lawyer would have been able to get the guy off, though.
--
Fris "Paging Diana K. Brown" beeŽ
Certaholics
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
| |
| The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere 2004-04-23, 5:23 pm |
| >Probably because that's the only one that I'm 99% sure actually happened.
True. The first one was just me winding the guy up, before I spat in
his burger.
>A really good lawyer would have been able to get the guy off, though.
.... with compensation.
Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3
| |
|
| FrisbeeŽ <billLASTINIT@dasi-software.com> wrote in news:Ox#f6xWKEHA.1892
@TK2MSFTNGP09.phx.gbl:
>
> Probably because that's the only one that I'm 99% sure actually
happened.
I beleive that people are stupid enough for the other ones...
Last place I worked a girl there made a purchase over lunch. Bought some
multi-vitamins. The "One-A-Day" brand. While I stod next to her desk
doing some filing, she absently said "I wonder how often you take these".
I could only stare and shake my head. Any guesses as to her hair colour?
as Andy would say "There are no stupid questions..."
--
Neil MCNGP #30
"you'd do what, to who, for how many biscuits?"
| |
| The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere 2004-04-23, 5:23 pm |
| >I beleive that people are stupid enough for the other ones...
As can be seen everyday in this ng.
>Any guesses as to her hair colour?
Easy, but did she spit or swallow?
Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3
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| On Fri, 23 Apr 2004 13:00:30 -0700, Neil wrote:
> FrisbeeŽ <billLASTINIT@dasi-software.com> wrote in news:Ox#f6xWKEHA.1892
> @TK2MSFTNGP09.phx.gbl:
>
> happened.
>
> I beleive that people are stupid enough for the other ones...
> colour?<kersnippedy>
I'll attest to the probability of the car remote one being true. When I
used to sell cars, I had more than a few say they really didn't like the
remote because "How would you get into the car if the battery was dead?"
Also had people that wouldn't buy a car if it had power locks and windows
for fear that if the battery died, they'd be trapped in the car.
No sh!t.
JaR
ExSales Thug
| |
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| The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere <.> wrote in
news:tqti80pi42ft7i78jtluau996
jopr40l1r@4ax.com:
> Easy, but did she spit or swallow?
which ever one you asked her to do....
--
Neil MCNGP #30
"you'd do what, to who, for how many biscuits?"
| |
| Ken Briscoe 2004-04-23, 5:23 pm |
| "Neil" <neilmcse@nospamforyou.com> wrote in message
news:Xns94D4A72F81D64neilmcseh
otmailcom@207.46.248.16...
> The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere <.> wrote in
> news:tqti80pi42ft7i78jtluau996
jopr40l1r@4ax.com:
>
>
> which ever one you asked her to do....
>
>
Wow, my two favorite NGs discussing the same thing! Over in the Sox
newsgroup, there's a thread titled "OT: What does sperm taste like?",
started by a troll who may or may not have been sent by the evil forces of
alt.sports.baseball.ny-yankees.
--
KB - MCNGP "silent thug" #26
first initial last name AT hotmail DOT com
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|
| Bad girls Swallow
The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere wrote:
>
>
> As can be seen everyday in this ng.
>
>
>
>
> Easy, but did she spit or swallow?
>
> Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3
--
Kat - MCNGP #29
/* I'm a bad, bad girl */
| |
| Ken Briscoe 2004-04-23, 6:23 pm |
| "Kat" <misty@No.SPAM.flynt.org> wrote in message
news:408981a1@obsidian.gov.bc.ca...
> Bad girls Swallow
> <snip>
> /* I'm a bad, bad girl */
<Quagmire>
Alllll riiiight
</Q>
--
KB - MCNGP "silent thug" #26
first initial last name AT hotmail DOT com
| |
| Consultant 2004-04-23, 6:23 pm |
| you have that reversed
"Kat" <misty@No.SPAM.flynt.org> wrote in message
news:408981a1@obsidian.gov.bc.ca...
> Bad girls Swallow
>
> The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere wrote:
>
>
> --
> Kat - MCNGP #29
>
> /* I'm a bad, bad girl */
>
| |
|
| > you have that reversed
So... swallow girls bad??
I'm not sure I agree with you there.
| |
| Ken Briscoe 2004-04-23, 6:23 pm |
| "Jtyc" < jtyc_mcngp@spamblockerbitch!@y
ahoo.com> wrote in message
news:OWTiWjXKEHA.2692@tk2msftngp13.phx.gbl...
>
> So... swallow girls bad??
>
>
> I'm not sure I agree with you there.
add a colon, and you'll agree, i'm sure.
swallow girls: bad
but bad = good
--
KB - MCNGP "silent thug" #26
first initial last name AT hotmail DOT com
| |
| Kendal Emery 2004-04-23, 6:23 pm |
| REALLY bad girls spit it back at you.......
"Kat" <misty@No.SPAM.flynt.org> wrote in message
news:408981a1@obsidian.gov.bc.ca...
> Bad girls Swallow
>
> The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere wrote:
>
>
> --
> Kat - MCNGP #29
>
> /* I'm a bad, bad girl */
>
| |
|
| > REALLY bad girls spit it back at you.......
Now that's naughty.
| |
|
| Right; bad=good. So why didn't C get it the first time??
Ken Briscoe wrote:
> "Jtyc" < jtyc_mcngp@spamblockerbitch!@y
ahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:OWTiWjXKEHA.2692@tk2msftngp13.phx.gbl...
>
>
>
> add a colon, and you'll agree, i'm sure.
>
> swallow girls: bad
>
> but bad = good
>
--
Kat - MCNGP #29
| |
|
| "Ken Briscoe" <youcant@sendmespam.com> wrote in news:uueuuVXKEHA.2704
@TK2MSFTNGP10.phx.gbl:
> "Kat" <misty@No.SPAM.flynt.org> wrote in message
> news:408981a1@obsidian.gov.bc.ca...
>
>
> <Quagmire>
> Alllll riiiight
> </Q>
>
she is the worst thing that has happened to my morality is quite some
time...
--
Neil MCNGP #30
"you'd do what, to who, for how many biscuits?"
| |
| Brian 2004-04-27, 11:28 am |
| "FrisbeeŽ" <billLASTINIT@dasi-software.com> wrote
> Probably because that's the only one that I'm 99% sure actually happened.
>
> A really good lawyer would have been able to get the guy off, though.
An old legend that a lot of people think they heard of it because it was on
an episode of "homicide". See http://www.snopes.com/legal/colander.htm.
Brian
| |
| Brian 2004-04-27, 11:28 am |
| It wouldn't be so tough if stupid people could be more clearly identified.
Someone forwarded this to me years ago and I though it was great:
> Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm
> Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You
> wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse
> me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
>
> It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of
> boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend
> comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our
> stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.
> Here's your sign."
>
> A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we
> pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol
> stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all
> catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up.
> Here's your sign."
>
> I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery
> Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And
> there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that
> shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into
> this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they
> bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna
> lose it."
>
> Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of
> those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out,
> looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go
> flat?" I couldn't resist. Said, "Nope. I was driving around
> and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's
> your sign."
>
> We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came
> over to the house and drove the car around for about 45
> minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car,
> reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn
> that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have
> stopped him.
>
> I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
> Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck
> got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I
> radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to
> take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no
> problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until
> he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I
> looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and
> said "no I'm delivering' a bridge...here's your sign.
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