| Consultant 2004-01-07, 2:24 pm |
| A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young
man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out
the window and asks the s! hepherd: If I tell you exactly how many sheep you
have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looks at the man,
obviously a yuppie,then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly
answers: "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell
notebook computer, attaches it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page
on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. Then the young man
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an
email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data
stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data
via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a
response. Finally, he prints out a full-color,150-page report on his
hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd
and says: You have exactly 1586 sheep." That's right. Well, I guess you can
take one of my sheep" says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one
of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk
of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? The young man
thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a
consultant." says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but
how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You
showed up here even though nobody called you! ; you want to get paid for an
answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know
anything about my business. Now give me back my DOG. "
--
Consultant, MCNGP Founding Father
Lead Thug, Public Enemy #1
www.mcngp.tk
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