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Home > Archive > Certifications and IT jobs/Salaries > May 2001 > Can anyone proof read my cover letter?
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Can anyone proof read my cover letter?
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| Well, my first language is not English, so I don't write very well in English. I would like to apply for a job offered by a Network Integrator in Hong Kong, it would be nice if someone is willing to proof read my cover letter. Thanks in advance.
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My Address
May 14, 2001;
Human Resources Department
XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXX
Re: Application for the Position of Network Engineer Trainee
Dear Sir or Madam:
Your company's mission of "turning communication technologies into business solutions that can enhance the quality of life of our
society" is consistent with my philosophy regarding technology. Please accept this letter an application for the Network Engineer
Trainee position that you have available. I am particularly interested in a position with XXX Telecom after visiting its official
website. The company appears to promote multidimensional learning, recognize talent and provide growth opportunities in an
environment of mutual level of respect and trust.
I currently work as a System Support Engineer at XXXX Communications (Holdings) Ltd. I mainly work as a System Administrator
implementing, maintaining and fine-tuning the Linux based WAP servers. As a member of the XXXXXXX team, we develop systems
which support the encoding, transmission, and presentation of live streaming and refreshed data on mobile devices. My past teamwork
experiences have not only helped me gain system and network knowledge but also improve my human relations skills. I am an
independent, cooperative and detail oriented person. My enclosed résum?provides more details on my qualifications.
As you will notice, I had obtained a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science from the University of Saskatchewan, Canada. I am a
Cisco Certificated Network Associate (CCNA), Cisco Certificated Design Associate (CCDA) and am currently pursuing both CCNP and
Linux System Administration Certificate offered by XXXXU. I feel that the combination of my professional experience, education, and
strong organizational skills, would allow me to make a valuable contribution to XXX.
If you are seeking a Network Engineer Trainee who is a sponge for knowledge, who believes in life-long learning, and who is as
career-committed as it takes to achieve total success, then please consider what I have to offer. I look forward to talking with you
regarding career opportunities with XXX. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
My Name
Enclosure | |
| Nicole 2001-05-11, 9:47 am |
| I'm impressed. Your command of English is excellent. Only a few things jumped out at me:
quote:
Your company's mission of "turning communication...
Hmmm... perhaps "Your company's mission, "Turning communication..." Also add a comment at the end of the quote after "society."
quote:
Please accept this letter an application for the Network Engineer
"Please accept this letter as an application..."
quote:
The company appears to promote multidimensional learning, recognize talent and provide growth opportunities in an
environment of mutual level of respect and trust.
Awkward here. How about "I was especially impressed with your company's emphasis on promoting multidimensional learning, recognizing talent and providing growth opportunities in an
environment of mutual respect and trust."
quote:
résum?
Typo?
quote:
As you will notice, I had obtained a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science...
Make that "have obtained"
Good luck! | |
| slapyomoma 2001-05-11, 2:28 pm |
| with Nicole's corrections, you should be okay.
good luck
sym | |
| Omletteboy 2001-05-13, 9:32 pm |
| Hey aimak, just wondering how the IT market is right now in HK. I'm from HK but I'm in Canada right now. Have been giving thoughts about going back... | |
| aimak 2001-05-13, 10:51 pm |
| Thanks a lot!! | |
| aimak 2001-05-13, 10:58 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by Omletteboy
Hey aimak, just wondering how the IT market is right now in HK. I'm from HK but I'm in Canada right now. Have been giving thoughts about going back...
Since I am not sure how well you are doing in Canada, I think it is hard for me to say whether the HK IT market is good or bad (you know, good or bad is all about comparison). I would say if you want to get a job and ask for a reasonable salary, it is not hard at all. May be you can take a look of those salary tends from those job searching sites (www.careertimes.com.hk, www.scmp.com, www.panadacareer.com, www.jobsdb.com.hk) | |
| Omletteboy 2001-05-14, 12:20 pm |
| I was looking at $30K HK / month, since HK living standard is quite high although taxes are much lower. How hard is it to find a job like that. | |
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| Well, then you have to tell me how much of experience you have, what field you are in and how good you are? ^_^ | |
| Omletteboy 2001-05-16, 9:11 am |
| I send you a private message  | |
| plane 2001-05-16, 10:33 pm |
| Greeting all! I am HK too(feel happy to meet HK ppl here). | |
| Omletteboy 2001-05-17, 8:26 am |
| Greetings to you too plane So how is HK treating you in the IT department. | |
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| Indeed, we are still somewhat in recession and HK living standard is acceptable now. Except the traffic fee still expensive, you can find some eat cheap, clothes cheap, computer cheap, and rent house is much cheaper too.
Finding a job may not that hard but the salary level still very low in the moment.If you are looking for a job with 30K, you will need a good degree, good communication skills and 3 years good experience. | |
| gerfus 2001-05-23, 1:15 pm |
| Im sure that the letter is good, but I know I was bored with it before I was half-way thru it. From my experiences, you have to be brief and to the point, or the potential employer will get bored also.
Good luck, | |
| JennyWren 2001-05-25, 6:56 am |
| I wouldn't worry about your english, your cover letter is great. However I wouldn't repeat what you already have in your resume, i.e. your education/certs. You have emphasised very well what you can do for them and not what they can do for you which is very important in a cover. Good luck and let us know how you get on. | |
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| Try to make it a little simple and get to the point. Specially, the 1st Para.
It is a good letter, but you need to know HK is not US or Canada.
So, you need to adjust what is suitable for them to see. |
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