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Home > Archive > General Discussion > July 2004 > Notes to my Customers...
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Notes to my Customers...
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| Deja-vue 2004-07-25, 12:18 am |
| When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screensaver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
When IT Support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer rubbish." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as rubbish.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing $600,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.
When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on.
When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-07-25, 6:00 am |
| Fantastic!!!!!!!
The ironic part is that I've had to deal with most of those situations as well, scary !
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| 6slave6 2004-07-25, 10:32 am |
| LMAO!!!!
That was great!
My favorite:
"If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them."
Oh man... thank-you. You just made my day. | |
| Freddy 2004-07-25, 12:59 pm |
| This stuff is so real, I feel as if someone has been monitoring my phone traffic... | |
| lseals 2004-07-25, 4:17 pm |
| Fantastic | |
| sandy7000 2004-07-26, 12:18 am |
| You forgot to add "call the computer guy to change flickering flourescent bulbs because it's electronic" to that list of tasks.
(It really happened. Humble guy actually did it, too....I'm not the one who asked JUST to be clear.)  | |
| Teck Shark 2004-07-26, 12:59 pm |
| Great Stuff!!! | |
| Forsaken 2004-07-26, 1:16 pm |
| Please add:
Don't worry about time constraints, we can always move 50 PCs in a few hours. We're underworked and our staff is three times what it needs to be. | |
| irwin420 2004-07-26, 2:20 pm |
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| me? I dunno... 2004-07-26, 9:00 pm |
| just one more dumb question,
is that your wife in your avatar? | |
| irwin420 2004-07-27, 12:54 am |
| just one more dumb answer
why, did you sleep with her !!?
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| ruscorp 2004-07-27, 1:03 pm |
| Did that come from here?  | |
| curiousgeorge 2004-07-27, 1:34 pm |
| You can also add:
If you don't know how to make a word bold in a letter you're creating, call Computer Support and claim your computer won't turn on. Once someone arrives at your desk, ask him to show you how to use your word processor. We love to be fooled into giving you personal support at your desk when your secretary could have done it for you. | |
| Forsaken 2004-07-27, 3:53 pm |
| If you see an IT person running down the hall looking like he is in a rush..flag him down right away, we love it when you test our stamina and stop us for run-of-the-mill questions about how you cannot connect to AOL at home. | |
| jennie313 2004-07-28, 10:32 am |
| When given instructions by your IT guy/girl, don't write anything down. We love hearing ourselves speak and repeating everything five times makes us happy. | |
| ruscorp 2004-07-28, 11:06 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by jennie313
When given instructions by your IT guy/girl...
Very politically correct. |
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