| Author |
Bling Bling Bling part deux
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| enforcer 2003-01-07, 7:10 am |
| Long ago, outside a fish shop in Walthamstow. . . . | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-07, 7:30 am |
| Enforcer took out his laptop and posted "Long ago, outside a fish shop in Walthamstow. . . ." on the Examnotes forum.
By the way, he uses wireless LAN to connect to his internet server at his... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-07, 7:44 am |
| playboy mansion overlooking the thames | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 8:04 am |
| After spending a penny, enforcer slides on a pair of urine soaked camel hair socks and... | |
| bearing 2003-01-07, 8:08 am |
| ...his hob nail boots, he cursed, why on earth did he order a small mushy peas with his Battered sausage and chips... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-07, 9:39 am |
| aside from the fact that they taste good with the bottle of sherry he always carries in his raincoat. | |
| bearing 2003-01-07, 9:44 am |
| ...It wasn't his favourite sherry, but QC was all they had at the corner shop, so he'd decided that given the choice between sherry and Creme de Menthe, he'd better go with the QC. A small boy ran upto him and asked him if he knew of a chalet in a distant land, enforcer thought for a second... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 9:48 am |
| After shaving his palms, he flashes a yellowed and gnarly grin at the looking-glass before.. | |
| gr33nd4yg1rl 2003-01-07, 10:28 am |
| kicking his shoe off causing it to fly through the window. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-07, 11:37 am |
| XP screen that he was looking at on his laptop | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 11:42 am |
| that was perched on the melon-sized wart near... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-07, 1:31 pm |
| where the Queen used to get her tea & crumpets supplies.. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-07, 2:33 pm |
| when she used to work in that second hand record shop just outside.. | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 2:34 pm |
| the white van that his uncle would fill with unicycles and basketballs. Today... | |
| bearing 2003-01-07, 5:54 pm |
| ..."I have mostly been eating porridge", said Jessie who's trousers normally held up with bailing twine were down around his ankles, and of course he was going commando showing off to all and sundrie his all and sundrie.
Enforcer decided it was time to leave Walthamstow and it's weird inhabitants, yes he'd decided he was going to move to Dudley in the West Midlands. But he had no way of getting there, unless Uncle Bulgaria had any unicycles left. He quickly checked the back of his uncles van and yes there right at the back was a unicycle, he jumped on and headed on up the M40 to the West Midlands listening to Slade on his Walkman.
On arrival in Dudley, enforcer... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-07, 5:58 pm |
| ...jumped off of the unicycle and rubbed his sore backside. "Darn" he thought," should have grabbed one with more padding".
seeing a pub, he wonderered if they had his favorite menu item... | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-07, 6:05 pm |
| pork scratchings and a lemonade shandy, that looked a little... | |
| bearing 2003-01-07, 6:12 pm |
| ...low on Beer, but the Scratchings were divine, the finest he'd ever tasted, after all he was in the home of Pork Scratchings. Enforcer decided to drink the shandy without complaining to the burly looking barmaid, anyway he'd always been known as a shandy drinking southerner so why change the habit of a lifetime.
Just then a knock came a rapping on the window behind him, he looked round and saw HOOLIGAN, theomeons and bearing with their faces pressed up against the window, enforcer... | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-07, 6:26 pm |
| Knew they were on to him, so he jumped on his trusty mare, 'loopback', straightened up his 'Me Mam shagged George Best' t-shirt and rode up the stairs, through the secret escape hatch reserved for dandy highwaymen and sheep rustlers, all the while blowing kisses to his assailants, who had.... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 6:28 pm |
| hinted that zoo officials were after the growth on his legs. | |
| bearing 2003-01-07, 6:52 pm |
| ...What enforcer hadn't bargained for was that thecomeons Fore-fathers who had lived in the Border regions of Scotland had been Sheep rustlers and it was in his blood, and of course Bearing is the Sheep God, so they knew about the secret escape hatch and were hot on his heels.
While thecomeons and bearing were chasing enforcer, HOOLIGAN was awaiting him on the other side of the hatch. As enforcer and his trusty steed burst through the hatch HOOLIGAN produced a carrot which stopped loopback dead in her tracks, enforcer wasn't at all happy complaining to all three of them that up until then loopback had been the best ride he'd ever had.
thecomeons grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-07, 10:19 pm |
| "you didn't eat your meat..how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat".
whereupon, the background music started up. When it reached the chorus, HOOLIGAN, thecomeons, and bearing strted singing along and dancing in time, just like The Temptations. enforcer, seeing his chance, ran down the alley way and slipped throug a door way, only to find... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-07, 11:45 pm |
| that two notorious tibes, the peanut-butter monkeys and the checkered aces, had the exit baracaded with kitty litter. Enforcer waking up from his dream of eating sausage... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 2:50 am |
| in batter washed down with a few bottles of sandyman port and remy martin cognac after a roll in the hay with kylie and her sister that few can remember the name of. | |
| MistyRing 2003-01-08, 4:38 am |
| Danii Minogue was much better than Kylie, enforcer remarked as he carefully folded up his stained... | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 4:44 am |
| ...long johns... | |
| MistyRing 2003-01-08, 4:47 am |
| which weren't a pretty sight, mainly because of seepage from his weeping sores. | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 5:18 am |
| the peanut-butter monkeys had been sent to collect from enforcer | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 5:42 am |
| which they were to take to the budweiser bottling plant in mortlake, coz unknown to most this was 'the' secret ingredient in their beer. Sol may have had the maggot but they had the seepage from enforcers weeping sores | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 6:30 am |
| and fumes from the exhaust of bearing's landy | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 7:05 am |
| sorry mis type, that should have been bearings' lady | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 7:23 am |
| when they arrived at the plant,enforcer wondered if Spanky, his blue whale calf friend that was abandoned during his yearly migration, might have an idea how to... | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 7:26 am |
| <evertjo what on earth do you smoke? > | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 7:34 am |
| <what, this isn't normal?> | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 7:37 am |
| blow a whale | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 7:38 am |
| ..just like daddy used to.. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 7:39 am |
| blow his uncle | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 7:41 am |
| big bubbles created from a solution of water and dishwashing detergent. | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 7:41 am |
| with a mouthfull of.. | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 7:41 am |
| ...Tom's Goldfish until it was the size of a whale...
<F^*%(%g Hell there's a blizzard happening outside my window> | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 7:42 am |
| <Ok guys I'll toss you for it..> | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 7:42 am |
| wasps for a laugh to see the reation of the people when the bubbles burst. | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 7:44 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by bearing
<Ok guys I'll toss you for it..>
that kind of thing is what my wife is for | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 7:55 am |
| enforcer's nostalgic journey was interrupted by the cloud of yellow smoke that emanated from... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 8:28 am |
| the yellow smoke machine that was sitting outside the local PASystems 'R' Us shop | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 8:42 am |
| ruscorp, one of the peanut butter monkey's, was slightly embarrased by the odor of afterbirth and dog hair that... | |
| MistyRing 2003-01-08, 8:46 am |
| was easily resolved by pouring the anti-serum on it. Trouble was the anti-serum consisted of... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 8:47 am |
| ...matzoh balls and fish guts.. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-08, 9:25 am |
| which happened to be the secret ingredient for bearings world famous Dripping sandwiches | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 9:30 am |
| ...thecomeons dipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out one of the said dripping sanwiches, he threw it to enforcer who promptly stuck it through the letterbox of PASystems 'R' Us... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-08, 9:46 am |
| and said, "strike a light me old cock sparrer, that'll knock 'em daahn!" | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-08, 10:02 am |
| the comeons reached into his handy kit bag and pulled out his combination spanish fly kit, torch, and pocket watch. he then tried to strike a light and cried, "darn it, the old woman stole the batteries for her vibrator,again". | |
| iggy4270 2003-01-08, 10:38 am |
| Meanwhile back at villa #6 | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 10:48 am |
| which was for some strange reason next to villa #21 where | |
| Forsaken 2003-01-08, 10:50 am |
| they were selling twinkies for 3/99 cents because... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-08, 10:58 am |
| it was close to the festival day of the forums, where twinkies were the special offerings. Suddenly.. | |
| bearing 2003-01-08, 11:14 am |
| ..."life has new meaning to me, there's music up above", enforcer headed for the source of the music he could hear, he opened the door to the cellar and descended the steps, as he reached the bottom he was amazed to see... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 11:33 am |
| steps!, claire, H and the rest were there | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 11:39 am |
| but out of the darkness hobbled Freak, an insidious creature. A horrible gurgling sound... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-08, 12:15 pm |
| eminated from underneath a funny looking hat. "that looks like a pirate", muttered enforcer, "and he sounds like he's speaking in french." enforcer quickly threw it a token offering of a twinkie. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 12:15 pm |
| he was singing the French national anthem | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-08, 12:38 pm |
| while an ant sucked his nipple | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 12:44 pm |
| freaks hands looked more like meatballs as they clenched his X-box tight against his liquidy chest. standing there with a not-so-bright look on his face, freak mumbled... | |
| Forsaken 2003-01-08, 1:03 pm |
| "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner..That is what I truly wanna be..." and then he | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-08, 1:22 pm |
| ran past enforcer, headed for the outside world.
enforcer continued on his journey. as he stepped through the doorway, he suddenly encountered bearing, with his head looking like this: .
"oh no", cried enforcer. "not you, too!" knowing that there was only one cure, enforcer reached into his handy knapsack and pulled out.. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-08, 1:29 pm |
| one of Mr Kiplings exceedingly good cakes,
' We will have to split it, and hope to god Mr Kipling doesnt find out', and then .... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 2:18 pm |
| making sure that the fun carried on after every last crumb of cake was finished, bearing eagerly tongued a cheese filled pustule on the side of enforcers neck hoping that... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 3:34 pm |
| the cheese wasn't made backwards, because he hated anything dutch, every since that unfortunate incident with a dutch cap | |
| everetjo 2003-01-08, 3:41 pm |
| when baby hooligan's face was born with gauging coat hanger scars and cigar burns. the doctor winced at the gruesome child and said... | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-08, 4:03 pm |
| this would go well with liver and onions..
<everetjo, are you in therapy right now? > | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-08, 4:05 pm |
| "you look like you're related to ruscorp"... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-08, 4:12 pm |
| said freak to the chimpanzee at the zoo | |
| Forsaken 2003-01-08, 7:42 pm |
| who slightly resembled Enforcer's invisible friend when he was 5. So he... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-09, 2:48 am |
| sat in the middle of the street, sucking his thumb and hugging his security blanket. | |
| bearing 2003-01-09, 2:58 am |
| ...and fished out a bowl of porridge from his pocket, the porridge was cold, and he hated cold porridge. He needed to find a microwave or something, from the corner of his eye he noticed...
quote:
Originally posted by HOOLIGAN
<everetjo, are you in therapy right now? >
<I've been worried about him for a while now. > | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 3:09 am |
| that his ear could serve as a microwave. since microwaves and his ear had a lot in common. so he started to... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 6:42 am |
| make a phone call on his mobile to help with the microwaves | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 7:03 am |
| that makes him feel like a big boy that makes mommy proud. "i could go for a tuna fish calzone if i... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-09, 7:46 am |
| <jaysus, man!> | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 9:03 am |
| if i could get thecommeons to do just one more thing... but he... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 9:08 am |
| currently engaged in a phone call to Mary enquiring as to how she got herself out of the mess in the last story told on this forum | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 9:27 am |
| Well she got help from the Confusion Master. and she got out of the mess, just to step into a bigger one.
"Being engaged to Enforcer". now she want's to get out of that mess, chances thecomeons does any good to her are low. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 9:32 am |
| however all is not lost, because her great friend and confidant ruscorp has suggested 2lazybutsmart may be a more gullible and willing partner and she has now moved her interest to him | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-09, 9:37 am |
| as she had decided she wanted to get some database certifications. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 9:44 am |
| and she knew from experience he was a good source of BRAINDUMPS | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 9:52 am |
| but she needed a paper MCSE... she was facing a lot of difficulties and she needed help... so she turned to her friend ruscorp for help... | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 9:55 am |
| "Why in the world did u get engaged to enforcer... don't u know he's the Master of Confusion!" he stammered.
"But he's such a good looking guy..."
"Forget it!!" he said. "He'll only add confusion to ur already confused business!!"
"But... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 9:58 am |
| no one is better at making chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom. SkinBounce and RakeArm were Ruscop's trusted allies until they sided with freak. Secretly, the shiny-domed pirate has been making a fortune with his braindump ring, TestBooty.com | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 10:03 am |
| <shit! are you breathing the same air as us everetjo?> | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 10:06 am |
| <damn asbestos..i have been to london once, is it true, no open container law?> | |
| bearing 2003-01-09, 10:07 am |
| <He's starting to make us lot look sane!! and that's no easy feat.> | |
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| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-09, 10:40 am |
| hey, let's get back to our story.
"Meanwhile, bearing got a call eary in the morning"
"Hello"
"Hey, it's me"
"Who's me?"
"Me"
"You"
"Yes me, enforcer"
"Oh, hey pal, what's up? This is 2 early for a phone call, aint it"
"Well, yes, but i'm just testing my new microwave"
"Gosh, what microwave?"
"The new one i got installed reacently"
"What!. so what does that have to do with this call?"
"Exactly, i'm calling you from it!"
"Holy smokes!!, How is that possible. You must be a wizard"
"Sure I am, havent u heard of the new... | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-09, 10:41 am |
| as everetjo was dragged passed our heroes by men in white coats. The starch white straight jacket brought out the colour of his eyes, pale white with tiny pupils.
He screamed " MAD, im not mad, im the only sane one here" just as.......
| |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 11:08 am |
| the 'Never Mind The Bollocks' DVD fell from a pocket on his leopard pants. the two men escorting everetjo eyed the DVD, and removed their coats, sure enough, it was Haazbuul and Nefarious, the lost members of Men without Hats. Soon... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 11:10 am |
| <im not sure why that picture didn't show up.. > | |
| bearing 2003-01-09, 11:19 am |
| ...Nefarious had thecomeons, bearing, enforcer, 2lazybutsmart, Ruscorp and HOOLIGAN doing the safety dance. The only problem was they didn't have the midget, so... | |
| bearing 2003-01-09, 11:20 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by everetjo
<im not sure why that picture didn't show up.. >
<Did you tell him the right time to show up?> | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 11:24 am |
| they had to leave their friends behind and make like a baby and head out to the.. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-09, 11:31 am |
| cervix? | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 11:32 am |
| the Cervix was a 70's retro lesibian bar that... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-09, 11:46 am |
| had a thursday special on pork scratchings, his favorite food.
When he got there.. | |
| everetjo 2003-01-09, 2:43 pm |
| thecomeons, bearing, enforcer, 2lazybutsmart, Ruscorp and HOOLIGAN spoke briefly about the past few days, and specifically, how to expose freak's illegal braindump business to his peers at examnotes
the group concocted a plan to stare directly at freak's exposed head without protective eye wear in order to... | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-09, 5:29 pm |
| discover the meaning of life from decoding the arrangement of bumps on his head... | |
| tom45 2003-01-09, 10:03 pm |
| There were twelve bumps, What does it mean ??? | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-10, 2:39 am |
| . there had been ancient indian myths of a networking guru who would come from the land of frogs. something about caressesing bumps to reveal sacred text. | |
| everetjo 2003-01-10, 7:35 am |
| without a frenologist nearby, the group was weighed with many unanswered questions, but they learned how freak got his name. Just look at his... | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-10, 7:56 am |
| pirate's hat. He stole it off a trick-or-treater one hallow's eve. The child cried hysterically while the mother yelled out, "Come back with that pirate's hat, you FREAK!!!!" | |
| enforcer 2003-01-10, 8:59 am |
| Meanwhile across the other side of the land Deja Vue was planning his assault on Freaks website, he had already managed to obtain the IP addresses he needed, and one of the usernames, he was now try to crack the password. He had so far tried Freaks name, his wifes' name and the names of the twins, he was now moving onto the birthdays. | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-10, 10:21 am |
| When he suddenly remembered that Freak, celebrated an ancient holiday, one that came from his home country. It involved running around in women's clothes worn backwards on a full moon in late winter or early spring, if he could just remember the day.. | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-10, 10:25 am |
| it was also the name of some big house that was important some how. he wondered if passwords allowed the use of french accents. but he couldn't remember how to get french letters. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-10, 3:29 pm |
| a good friend of his however had pointed him in the direction of a place where he could get some nice dutch caps | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-10, 3:33 pm |
| to which Freak replied, "What the hell are dutch caps?" | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-10, 3:59 pm |
| so the good freind showed him the one she was wearing, | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-10, 4:56 pm |
| Upon see that, Freak started to flash back to a childhood memory. | |
|
| It was a dim memory, but there were glimpses of his mother cutting his hair with a bowl as a guide | |
| gr33nd4yg1rl 2003-01-10, 5:14 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by tom45
It was a dim memory, but there were glimpses of his mother cutting his hair with a bowl as a guide
lol | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-10, 8:50 pm |
| And having hairy porrage for breakfast..... | |
| tom45 2003-01-10, 10:27 pm |
| without bananas or brown sugar, oh the humanity, what else could go wrong .... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-11, 9:15 am |
| it was just then that hairy porrage found out that he was no ordinary breakfast cereal, in fact he was actually a wizard breakfast cereal and could do magic.
his first spell upon finding this out was . . | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-11, 9:26 am |
| how to spell Porridge correctly. P-O-R-R-I-D-G-E
becuase he kept on misspelling the word, he kept on spoiling his spell. But now he got it straight.
POOOF! he turned into a frog | |
| enforcer 2003-01-11, 9:29 am |
| ouch! went the frog, "and don't call me a poof. If you kiss me i'll turn into a handsome prince".
Hairy kissed the frog, and indeed it did turn into a member of the royal family it turned into a queen | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-11, 9:32 am |
| that happened to be too smart but lazy | |
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| Or was it Freddy Mercury, The queen of Queen | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-11, 10:03 am |
| who stunk up the place cause he had been dead for years.. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-11, 11:29 am |
| No it was the biggest Queen there had ever been ruscorp | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-11, 6:24 pm |
| "pass me the bottle of beefeater," said ruscorp.
"sorry guvnah," replied enforcer, "one of your flaming corgies headed up the apples and pears wiv it."
"get me another, peasant," said the queen.
"sorry guvnah," replied enforcer, "they've all bin beheaded."
"when i said 'off with their heads'," said the queen, "i meant, 'buy them all a bottle of beefeater'."
"sorry guv." | |
| ruscorp 2003-01-11, 7:13 pm |
| ...enforcer was then circumcised at the queen's wishes... | |
|
| ruscorp was then ordered by the Queen to take 20% off the top and feed it to the peasants...20% cried ruscorp, there won't be much left!!! | |
| ruscorp 2003-01-11, 11:37 pm |
| ...tom45 was ordered to give the other 80%, however the King just laid him off... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-12, 6:31 am |
| ..icer" said ruscorp " which isn't fair coz i wan't first go"
with that the officer made a citizens vest out of . . . | |
| ruscorp 2003-01-12, 9:52 am |
| ...fice people this thing is a damn monarchy, no one is elected to office... | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-12, 10:43 am |
| And the king really doesn't like that black tie ruscorps wears with the white shirt.
Monarchs are known for usurping personal property off those in their kingdom. Well, that's exactly what happened to ruscorp and enforcer. That brand new BMW 7 Series is now in the Kings possession. Ruscorp's tie has been transfered to R&D for further processing. Even his sofa is no longer his. Gosh!
But back in NSD, Rice was explaining to a 4 star general how they would rescue ruscorp from the king. But he just couldn't get it.
"Rurs-corps rescue, he stammered" "What's that!?
"No, we wanna rescue Ruscorp, and we need to lay down a plan"
"Rurscorps... is that a city?"
"No, it's Ruscorp, first of all. And that an American Citizen"
"Oh, ok. So what about him..."
Rice was out of breath... "Just make sure you prepare 62,000 troops and all their requisits and prerequisits before tommorow noon!!!!!".
"Well we have that ready, and they're down in the gulf, and they're fighting Sadam!"
"Well take a look at ruscorps picture..."
She slided his picture across the table.
"Gosh, he stammed.... This is..." | |
| ruscorp 2003-01-12, 10:52 am |
| ...great, we can get ruscorp to try and hang Saddam with his black tie or their is always plan "B"; drop 2lazybutsmart on Baghdad. I wouldn't doubt a day with him and Saddam will surrender. Plan C is to have enforcer & HOOLIGAN on the front line to... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-12, 11:53 am |
| pick up any through balls from the midfield, and put the ball past their keeper into the net.
Ruscorp was left back, left back in the dressing room. And 2lazy was right back, right back where he started, needing to throw a six to move | |
|
| forward, but he had no dice. OH THE HUMANITY What will 2lazy do, and will ruscorp be helped by enforcer, or thecomeons....stay tuned | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-13, 1:29 am |
| well he was just 2lazy to do anything. But it has been more than a day, and Saddam hasen't surrenderd.
So they all gathered around the round table,2lazybutsmart,ruscorp,en
forcer,hooLigAn, and tom45 , for they were hereby called the 'Bush-Knights of the Round Table'.
tom45 was the chairman of the comittee, so he suggested that they just eat hairy porridge and take things easy.
HooliGAn, on the other hand, was so mad, that his eye was in a fine frenzy rolling.
enforcer and ruscorp just sat there gossiping like 2 old hags.
"Stop it!" cried tom45, "and let's start thinking"
"We are thinking!" answered the two,"And this is how we think if it suits thy saucy brain betwixt thy knaves pate!!"
so the situation turned hot and 2lazy had to pour water all over the table... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-13, 7:41 am |
| of contents of their meeting notes. Ruscorp, enraged grabbed 2lazy by his gills and flashed the gang sign of the peanut-butter monkeys, a finger in the rump and a finger in the mouth. 2lazy's hands... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-13, 7:47 am |
| were now covered in some slmy, stcky, vowel less liquid.
hooligan threw him a trowel, he always had problems with his 'R's | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-13, 7:49 am |
| but the doctor refused to treat him for it. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-13, 8:10 am |
| as the comeons yelled,
"feck me, all da liquids sprayed over me shaggin Docs" | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-13, 8:15 am |
| "you shaggin feckers!" he added. | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-13, 8:31 am |
| throwing down the towel hooligan handed him, he slowly wiped his fingers with the index of the meeting book.
"You 2smartbutlazy bones!!!"... yelled out everetjo, "You've destroyed the contents and now u've wiped OUT the index with your fingers"..
"Cool down, it's only the table-of-contents, not the whole contents of the book!.." "Plus, i've got the index by rote, so you need not worry... besides, why do we need that book anyway?" | |
| enforcer 2003-01-13, 9:21 am |
| because it's the script for this story and i've forgotten my lines. | |
| everetjo 2003-01-13, 12:15 pm |
| everetjo kept his eyes open for the men in white coats, for he knew.. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-01-13, 1:10 pm |
| when they caught him, they would give him a right stiff talking to, but they never showed, so he started playing a Kazoo made from a comb and a bit of newspaper to pass the time..... | |
| Forsaken 2003-01-13, 2:16 pm |
| humming the song 'They're coming to take me away he he ha ha ho ho..to the funny farm where life is good....! | |
|
| where men are men and sheep are nervous | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-13, 3:11 pm |
| looking up the street, everetjo suddenly spied an approaching stranger.
Looking a lot like ruscorp after a long night with the bottle and trying to hack into freaks server, the stranger said, "that's a mighty fine looking comb, you got there. It looks just like the one my grandpappy used to carry when.. | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-13, 3:16 pm |
| ever he went out looking for sheep... | |
| bearing 2003-01-13, 3:16 pm |
| ...on hearing the word sheep, there came a whistling from outside, and through the door burst Jess, Jess was bearings best sheepdog by far, she was closely followed by bearing in his shittiest wellies. He uttered something to enforcer "ere wos arl this then, thars not invading eyerac are's yer", enforcer replied... | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-13, 3:19 pm |
| Enforcer thought for a moment, then replied, "Well I think North Korea is a bigger threat than Iraq. But what I'd like to know is why are you... | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-13, 3:50 pm |
| taking off your shitty wellies, my old china, and putting on those pouffy looking slippers?"
"oi knows them thar wellies will mess ap yore kitchen, mr enforcer sir," he replied, turning his double-sided raincoat inside-out, so he didn't look as much like a farmer. | |
|
| and said to himself "crap, these urine soaked camel hair socks really stink " | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-13, 5:54 pm |
| "even if they are the best thing for my athlete's foot" | |
| enforcer 2003-01-14, 3:35 am |
| and when i find my athlete i shall put them on his foot | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-14, 7:17 am |
| stand. Oh! what an array of beautiful shoes. 99 pairs in total. So ruscorp still had another shoe to buy in order to complete the 100.
He drove to the nearest Wal-mart, but hey, all Wall-marts in Iraq have been closed down. #$%*head, he thought he was still fooling around in brooklyn. So he had to phone his friend in brooklyn and ask him to send him a pair of nice athletic shoes. But his call was intercepted by someguy in the Iraqi Intelligence. Just for the sake of humor, he order that whenever ruscorp got shoes from brooklyn that it be replaced with a letter saying "Bin Laden has used your shoes for his daily work out excersises. UBL".
Ruscorp was at his wits end. Whenever he orderd shoes, he got this letter | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-14, 7:21 am |
| "Ferget shews, ya crazy Yank", bellowed Bearing. "Put awn theez boots and 'elp me wif theez pain in the arse sheep!"
So Enforcer put on the boots and headed out into the field with Bearing. Little did they know that... | |
| enforcer 2003-01-14, 7:29 am |
| it was a minefield.
So bearing did some moonwalking, window with the hands and wouldn't speak.
"No" said enforcer" the sign said 'minefield' not 'mime field'"
"sorry" said bearing "Stop!! don't move"
" Why?" said enforcer
"Because . . . | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-14, 7:36 am |
| you are the master of Confusion. that sign which says "Minefield" on it is only there to stop my smart sheep from grazing on this field. | |
| Forsaken 2003-01-14, 7:40 am |
| Enforcer looks over to one of those sheep and winks at it saying .... | |
|
| I've got me wellies,,,,,,,,,, | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-14, 7:58 am |
| The sheep are unimpressed and continue to graze happily. | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-14, 8:01 am |
| enforcer walks up to the ewe and says, "hi. what about you and me have a night out. a nice restaurant, night club and then coffee around your place..." | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-14, 8:07 am |
| The ewe grins sheepishly. Just then Bearing catches on to what's happening. | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-14, 8:24 am |
| "stop troying to confuse them thar sheep, mr enforcer sir!" shouted the the land rover fanatic. "are yo gonna shag it or not?" | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-14, 8:41 am |
| Just then, RAMbo the sheep showed up, looking none too happy. He eyed up Enforcer and shouted... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-14, 9:31 am |
| "BAAAAAD enforcer what were ewe thinking? that you could pull the wool over our eyes? you aint backing any of us into any cliff edge so we push back on ewe.
why don't you..." | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-14, 9:57 am |
| "and your wellies get over to the cow barn. They are having security issues with their 802.11b wireless network. A suspicious looking character driving a Citroen and wearing a pirate hat has been lurking in the area recently". | |
| bearing 2003-01-14, 11:07 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by WPFossil
"Ferget shews, ya crazy Yank", bellowed Bearing. "Put awn theez boots and 'elp me wif theez pain in the arse sheep!"
<I take it from the good accent you've visited Dorset then.> | |
| tom45 2003-01-14, 12:57 pm |
| just put our feet inside your wellies, that way ewe and me could get better acquainted | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-15, 12:00 am |
| with mathematics. huh.. bearing's sheep are the only heard known to have masterd the science of Math.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAADITION!
SAAAAAAAAAAABTRAAAAACTION
Well, tom45 has been hierd by bearing to fix up his sheeps accent. So there he was every day. "Don't say AAAAAAAADITION!!!, Say Addition!!!" he would constantly yell at the sheep. But the sheep didn't understand english, they only spoke engligh.
""Hey bearing", he yells one morn
"How da hayl dyd ya teach yer sheep englysh?" | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-15, 3:09 am |
| bearing clocked the sh!te square on the jaw and got a gaggle of his mates out of the landy and proceeded with a cultural morning of morris dancing, smoking woodbines and drinking mild. | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-15, 7:19 am |
| "What's all this about then?" asked the local constable as he arrived on the scene. Feeling the need to assert his authority, he decided to arrest... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-15, 10:02 am |
| the comeons for bad morris dancing. the sheep were held as material witnesses... | |
| bearing 2003-01-15, 10:22 am |
| ...he also handed a ticket to bearing, for the un-roadworthiness of his Landy, bearing took serious umbridge to this and planted his fist square on the coppers chin,(he was beginning to enjoy punching folk)"Don't ever diss the Landy again copper", thecomeons saw this opportunity to escape, he slipped his handcuffs and... | |
| tom45 2003-01-15, 10:44 am |
| ...ran like hell, jumped into bearings Landy and took off in a cloud of smoke and screeching tires, leaving bearing all alone in the clutches of the copper, then all of a sudden... | |
|
|
| tom45 2003-01-15, 11:16 am |
| quote:
<screaching tyres . Have you ever driven a Land Rover, I'd have trashed a half shaft long before the tyres screached. >
Actually it was literary license, sounded pretty good | |
| enforcer 2003-01-15, 6:45 pm |
| .. pete watreman jumped out of the bushes, tape recorder in hand, and shouted after thecomeoms, come back, i want to make a record of that music you made with those landy tires, i think we have a potential no.1.
unfortunately, Geri Haliwell had also jumped out of the bushes looking slightly bedraggled | |
| tom45 2003-01-15, 10:18 pm |
| ...saying "I shouldn't have quit the Spice Girls, If I hadn't I'm sure thecomeons would rescue me from myself", but alas boinking that soccer guy is more important, but what about that poor mr. bearing, surely he will be... | |
| bearing 2003-01-16, 5:16 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by enforcer
.. with those landy tires.
<Tires? what are Tires?. Did you mean 'tyres' You are English after all. >
quote:
Originally posted by tom45
but alas boinking that soccer guy is more important
<Have I missed some breaking news here?>
...eligible to claim some royalties from the sales of the record, and... | |
| everetjo 2003-01-16, 7:54 am |
| entitled to many hugs and squeezes from his friend... | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-16, 7:56 am |
| everetjo | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-16, 10:24 am |
| "excuse me, sir", says mr. bearing," but that parrot you sold me is lying in the bottom of the cage, with his feet straight up in the air." | |
| everetjo 2003-01-16, 10:33 am |
| "sorry.. i had beans for lunch. he must have caught a wiff of the wind."
But before bearing could respond... | |
| Mr. Linux Guy 2003-01-16, 10:41 am |
| this huge guy wearing a viking costume interrupted them and asked, " . . . | |
| bearing 2003-01-16, 10:43 am |
| ..."I'm here to rape and pillage, where can I start?", enforcer thought for a moment and then said to the Viking "... | |
| Mr. Linux Guy 2003-01-16, 10:45 am |
| "No problem, just give me a moment while I bend over . . . " | |
| tom45 2003-01-16, 11:00 am |
| " to see if my shoes are tied, thens lets go and rape the cattle and stampede the women together... | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-16, 11:02 am |
| "wait," shouts a second viking,"remember what we said last time, it's rape the women!!!! | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-16, 11:04 am |
| and eat the cattle, wasen't it. | |
| WPFossil 2003-01-16, 3:56 pm |
| Upon closer inspection, the dastardly Viking turned out to be Randy Moss!!! | |
| enforcer 2003-01-16, 6:32 pm |
| who was also a male unix | |
| tom45 2003-01-16, 10:07 pm |
| which means he is missing his bearings | |
| ruscorp 2003-01-16, 10:26 pm |
| and enforcement | |
| thecomeons 2003-01-17, 2:38 am |
| who was so upset about loosing his wedding tackle in a bizzare donkey-riding incident at skeggie when he was five that he liked to wear viking gear and run around with a safety razor and remove the wedding tackle of all manner of beasts with four legs. | |
| enforcer 2003-01-17, 3:35 am |
| all though removing wedding tackle with someone's fore legs was really difficult, unless they had been reallt sharpened up prior to the act |
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