| Author |
Not an IT problem but a life problem!!!!
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| Spides 2003-02-23, 7:23 pm |
| As some of you may know I came to Australia about seven months ago. For some of you who don’t know I have a son in England who is four, from a previous relationship. He is great and I speak to him several times a week and once a week on a web cam. I have a defacto visa which means I virtually have citizenship. My dilemma is whether to return to the UK. Here in Brisbane it’s clean, people are friendly. Petrol is about 30 pence a litre!!! I’m not here to run down England but what would you do in my position? Would you return to the UK for the sake of your child? I’d love him to live here but his mother understandably wouldn’t allow that. Any advice is good. Thanks. | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-02-23, 8:10 pm |
| You've Got a Son that most probably worships the ground you walk on. He will grow up thinking you did not Love him enough to hang around for him. Every Child needs a Father. and thats something you can't be when your half way round the world, Sorry.
Its time to do the responsible thing and put the Boy before your own selfish interests.
Besides the UK aint all that bad.
Spides, I wish you well and hope you make the right decision. | |
| Spides 2003-02-23, 8:21 pm |
| Thank you Hooligan, well spoken words. I have decided to return to the UK I was just interested in other people's opinions. I love my son very much and want to be there for him. Life's a XXXXX... | |
| ccieToBe 2003-02-23, 8:43 pm |
| You made the right decision. | |
| darthw 2003-02-23, 9:55 pm |
| It's correct to return, and certainly the best for all involved. | |
| Deja-vue 2003-02-24, 2:14 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by HOOLIGAN
You've Got a Son that most probably worships the ground you walk on. He will grow up thinking you did not Love him enough to hang around for him. Every Child needs a Father. and thats something you can't be when your half way round the world, Sorry.
Its time to do the responsible thing and put the Boy before your own selfish interests.
Besides the UK aint all that bad.
Spides, I wish you well and hope you make the right decision.
I don't always do, but in this Case....must agree with Hooligan!
Do the right thing and what's best for the Family.
I came to LA in 1987 and left a bunch of People in Germany,never to see them again.
Only close Family and Friends kept the contacts alive.
If i would have had a child in Germany, i would have returned, no question.
UK isn't that bad, after 16 years of LA, i am thinking to moving there myself.
(seriously).
Best of Luck to ya'.
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| peterd 2003-02-24, 7:22 am |
| hi guys,
living conditions have been dropping off gradually in the UK for 30+ years, basically when Comprehensive Education started turning out morons...and now we're well on our way to creating a second generation or morons (morons^2)...
Where it was getting worse gradually I can only see it gaining momentum. In five years you'll not recognise it as the same country, in ten years you'll wish you'd gotten out now!
With illegals flooding in, plus the breakdown in law and order (who can trust the judges now?) I can see a civil war within twenty years.
I'm just glad that I'll not be alive long enough to suffer from it...
What to do? Get out of the country now before the mad rush takes up all available places in Australia, etc. I've advised my children to move their famalies out but unfortunately I'm too old to join them even though I'd be gone tomorrow if I could.
I have four children, the youngest is now 21 years old and all but one of them is in long-term relationships (two of them have kids of their own).
I missed a lot of their childhood by being 'at work' but that's the price we pay for providing the best we can for them.
So if you come back for the sake of your son, make it a short visit, five years at most, persuade your ex-partner to move to Australia if you need to see him more but even if she doesn't, get out ASAP!
Regards
Peter | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-02-24, 7:58 am |
| quote:
What to do? Get out of the country now before the mad rush takes up all available places in Australia, etc. I've advised my children to move their famalies out but unfortunately I'm too old to join them even though I'd be gone tomorrow if I could.
I think as the older you get, you tend to view the past through rose tinted glasses. Days of false sentimental memories and endless summers. The Grass is always greener on the other side. | |
| thecomeons 2003-02-24, 1:19 pm |
| moving back to the uk could be a good idea. it sounds like you are guilty about moving down-under (it probably seemd like the best option at the time) and not being able to see your child, and, yes, he probably will think you are a cunt if you stayed out there 
all the best, seriously. it seems like the child's mother is willing to let you have contact with him. if/when you do move back, it looks like you stand a pretty good chance to see him grow up and participate in the special/important things to him (birthdays, xmas, graduation, marriage, etc). | |
| MartyMcFly 2003-02-24, 1:47 pm |
| If you are likely to get good access to your kid if you are over here then I can certainly recommend it. What about any current relationships though? | |
| Spides 2003-02-24, 3:15 pm |
| My Aussie girlfriend supports me and is willing to return to the UK with me. She has dual nationality because her Father is Scottish. He moved out 40 years ago. Without a son then I would stay but you have to live with yourself at the end of the day and I do miss him. Like people have said sometimes you have to put your son before yourself. Agree with Peterd, not sounding racist but the Asians have run amok, especially where I lived in Luton. Aussies have a load of Asians here as well but more Chinese, and at least they work hard and keep themselves to themselves. Hope that didn't sound wrong. | |
| jonhiker 2003-02-24, 5:40 pm |
| i like what the comeons said.
if you have the chance to involve yourself in your childs life, it's really worth it for both you and the kid. | |
| yanqui 2003-02-25, 1:21 pm |
| it looks like you've decided already, but here's mine:
Where you are isn't half as important as who you are. If you're in a child's life, and that child has a good reason to look to you as an example, you're lucky to be alive, and twice blessed to be part of that child's life. You'll have time when the child is grown to go wherever you want to without impacting negatively on his development--or your own. You can be ecstatically happy back in Great Britain, if you decide to be. "Bloom where you're planted."
I think even before you posted the question you had decided that you missed him more than you had realized you would, and maybe you just wanted assurance that putting him first was going to be okay. It's going to be okay. | |
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| MartyMcFly 2003-02-25, 5:07 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by Spides
My Aussie girlfriend supports me and is willing to return to the UK with me. She has dual nationality because her Father is Scottish. He moved out 40 years ago. Without a son then I would stay but you have to live with yourself at the end of the day and I do miss him. Like people have said sometimes you have to put your son before yourself. Agree with Peterd, not sounding racist but the Asians have run amok, especially where I lived in Luton. Aussies have a load of Asians here as well but more Chinese, and at least they work hard and keep themselves to themselves. Hope that didn't sound wrong.
if your aussie g/friend supports you then, welcome back to the Uk mate | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-02-25, 5:13 pm |
| quote:
Well, Freak called me stupid in another thread, and I guess I must be. I don't get it.
Thats Del boy out of 'Only fools and Horses'.
( now do you get it? ) | |
| iggy4270 2003-02-25, 10:33 pm |
| Good decision Spides. I am fortunate to live only a mile away from my 2 daughters so therefore I am constantly in touch with them. We have a fantastic relationship and Me and Mom are still like best freinds which makes everyone healthy. The most important thing you can do for your children is to be there for them while they grow. So hurry up and get your arse back to the UK your son is going to be thrilled. Best of luck. | |
| Spides 2003-02-25, 10:59 pm |
| Cheers Iggy. I also get on well with my ex, but my girlfriend finds it hard to deal with. I guess she is taking on a lot and she is very supportive of me so I am lucky. I am looking forward to seeing my lad.... | |
| iggy4270 2003-02-25, 11:29 pm |
| And a strapping young lad he is It is tough for the girlfreinds I know, mine went through some insecurity issues for a while but it's has worked out quite nice. So hang in there. | |
| jaffas21 2003-02-26, 3:29 am |
| i am in a similar situation, in that my son is in Scotland about 130 miles away from me and i don't see him much due to not getting on with the mother that well .....
i came to the conclusion i have to look after myself and the future will eventually sort itself out .....
i would stay in australia ....
It would be interesting to see how many replies your getting actually from britain, because frankly this place is crap ....
i would move out to australia tommorow, if i
had a useful occupation like a nurse or something .... except for the skin cancer thing | |
| HOOLIGAN 2003-02-26, 4:20 am |
| quote:
i came to the conclusion i have to look after myself and the future will eventually sort itself out .....
Thats the problem today, aint it
Look after number one, to hell with everyone else. | |
| BlokWatch 2003-02-26, 7:22 pm |
| Agree with all the others.
Prime Directive: Procreate and raise your offspring to go farther than you.
In the end we are wormdirt, all we are is what lives on in our children, and all that lives on in them is what we put there.
You said it best yourself Spides. In the end the only one you'll ever answer to is yourself. At somepoint you lay down to die and all that matters is if your satisfied.
Aside from the fact that kids rule! I'd take a game of Frogger any day with my son over Command&Conquer. | |
| BlokWatch 2003-02-26, 7:24 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by BlokWatch
Agree with all the others.
Prime Directive: Procreate and raise your offspring to go farther than you.
In the end we are wormdirt, all we are is what lives on in our children, and all that lives on in them is what we put there.
You said it best yourself Spides. In the end the only one you'll ever answer to is yourself. You get to be your own judge. At somepoint you lay down to die and all that matters is if your satisfied.
Aside from the fact that kids rule! I'd take a game of Frogger any day with my son over Command&Conquer.
edit: don't know what the hell I did here, must tried to edit and quoted | |
| Spides 2003-02-26, 9:04 pm |
| Interesting point Jaffass, as for skin cancer most people stay out of it, most are white here. Not that many sun lovers. I guess in your situation because you don't have much contact with your son and not getting on with the mother you could walk away. But I would be destroyed if my son came to Oz when he's eighteen or whatever and said I had abandoned him and he felt I didn't love him. As for looking after yourself that is true to an extent, but aren't we responsible for who we bring into this world. Australia is awesome but it's not when you lie in the son and you wish your son was with you to experience it. If my son turns around when he's older and thanks me for being his Dad I'll die a happy man. It warms my heart when people say he looks like me........ | |
| iggy4270 2003-02-27, 3:52 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by Spides - It warms my heart when people say he looks like me........
I hope your a bit taller than he is.  j/k | |
| Spides 2003-02-27, 5:23 pm |
| Well I think he'll be a six foot streak of piss like me.......... | |
| marathoner 2003-03-02, 12:26 pm |
| look at it this way: Suppose it's back when you, the ex, and the baby are one unhappy family back in the old country. So there is a breakup and SHE dumps the kid on YOU to go off to Oz where she can "pursue her dreams" or whatever euphamism you want to call being self-centered. How does society judge *women* who do that? Harshly, and deservedly so, and IMO, it's no different for daddies. Your son needs YOU more than he needs any additional money you might earn for him. Yes in Australia you will enjoy the sunshine, but you will miss it when your son learns to ride a bike, scores his first goal, loses his first tooth, etc. I see too many kids whose daddies are providing everything for them except what they really need.
You are DOING WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR KID.
All the best to you.
~marathoner~ | |
| Spides 2003-03-02, 6:06 pm |
| Well said Marathoner, I know many fathers who are with there sons but have no knowledge of what they do or what interests them. I was on the web cam last night and my son just asked out of the blue why am I living in Australia? That hurt....probably going back in May now....
Thanks to all of the above, you comments are truely appreciated.... | |
| yanqui 2003-03-03, 8:06 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by Spides
Well said Marathoner, I know many fathers who are with there sons but have no knowledge of what they do or what interests them. I was on the web cam last night and my son just asked out of the blue why am I living in Australia? That hurt....probably going back in May now....
Thanks to all of the above, you comments are truely appreciated....
Yeah, our kids have a gift of calling us on our errors. They see through all the garbage, don't they? Enjoy your son--few people remember to enjoy their children, and that innocence lasts a few short years when they want to share their discovery of the world with the people who they trust the most to be enthusiastic as they are about it. Don't miss out on that. | |
| Spides 2003-03-03, 5:00 pm |
| Well I take back the earlier posts of my ex and I getting on, she is refusing for my son to have a medical as part of my application for a visa. (long story). So we're are now getting on like a house on fire, god woman do my head in. |
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