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Home > Archive > General Discussion > February 2003 > New element discovered
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New element discovered
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| Governmentium
Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50 years.
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, (Lott-Warner Laboratories) a minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium (Gv) has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places.
In fact, a Governmentium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since, with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium (Gv) is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration."
End of report | |
| Teck Shark 2003-02-03, 9:50 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by freak
Governmentium
Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50 years.
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, (Lott-Warner Laboratories) a minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium (Gv) has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places.
In fact, a Governmentium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since, with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium (Gv) is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration."
End of report
LOL | |
| ruscorp 2003-02-03, 9:58 am |
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| ccieToBe 2003-02-03, 10:37 am |
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| everetjo 2003-02-03, 11:46 am |
| that sounds like it's from the AP, so it must be true | |
| tkelley91 2003-02-03, 12:39 pm |
| LoL | |
| freak 2003-02-03, 12:42 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by everetjo
that sounds like it's from the AP, so it must be true
then again maybe not! | |
| iggy4270 2003-02-03, 11:48 pm |
| Beautiful, LMAO | |
| Mr. Linux Guy 2003-02-04, 10:19 am |
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| LMAO
Freak, what I wanted to know was, do you think that with the colder weather in Canada, the Governmentium's half life is increased to 15 years, has less morons in the immediate vicinity, but mega-quantities in the outlying areas, and I believe "our" Governmentium was originally discovered 69 years ago, which means that our Governmentium should have died out 39 years ago. OH WELL, TOO BAD.
If you ever come across a Demoronization Chamber, for a reasonable price, please don't hesitate to call. I'm sure my fellow countrymen would pay handsomely for it.. | |
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| Come on, things are not that bad in Canada... unless you listened to Robin Williams' special on HBO  | |
| tom45 2003-02-13, 10:29 pm |
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| jojogun 2003-02-27, 7:31 am |
| LOL |
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