| Author |
TOP 20 Things You Shouldn't Say While Working The Help Desk
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| prezbedard 2003-10-12, 8:54 pm |
| from The Network Administrator
20. Tell the caller that you went online pretending to be a transvestite: Had cybersex with Eddie Murphy
19. "Still not used to this whole electricity thing, huh?
18. Proclaim your undying love.
17. Advise the customer to lick the power supply.
16. "So, what are you wearing?"
15. Constantly refer to caller as "Stupid Pumpkin."
14. As you look up a part number, whistle loudly in a monotone.
13. "You've got to be kidding."
12. "What you do is get yourself $50 and go and buy a clue.
11. Use baby talk.
10. "I don't get paid enough to deal with jerks like you."
9. Ridicule the inadequacy of the caller's system.
8. "Yo no hablo ingles."
7. Use metaphors based on your experiences with rabid dogs.
6. Laugh maniacally.
5. Twist the callers words to make it seem as if there is no problem.
4. "You're screwed. You're just screwed."
3. Encourage the caller to pound on the CPU casing.
2. Constantly refer to caller as "Stupid Hobbit."
1. "How the hell did you get access to a computer?" | |
| Tech Ranger 2003-10-12, 9:19 pm |
| Ask the customer to breathe heavy. | |
| Stizzy 2003-10-12, 9:31 pm |
| quote:
10. "I don't get paid enough to deal with jerks like you."
my manager said a variation of this once when i worked in retail....i laughed and ran away  | |
| prezbedard 2003-10-12, 9:39 pm |
| I hate it when I get askled why someone can't login to their yahoo account after they type in the wrong password mutiple times.
I don't mind questions reguarding office apps, network logins. or other simliar things related to the use of the computers at cyberspace but when it comes to internet sevices that are beyound my control I get a little pieved but of course I don't show it. Have to keep my rep up. | |
| ANDRONDA 2003-10-12, 9:43 pm |
| I had a guy tell me once that when he put the "cyanyide toner" in the printer (not cyan, but cyanide)they received an error message. I wanted to say "I bet it did more than just deliver an error- it is probably dead". | |
| prezbedard 2003-10-12, 9:51 pm |
| quote:
Printer Error: You freaking idiot!! You killed me!!!
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| Stizzy 2003-10-12, 10:04 pm |
| hehehehee.....
i made the mistake of helping people in my spare time with their computer problems...gave my home phone out to 2 people...they in turn gave it to everyone who mentioned a pc related issue or wanted me to hook up an entertainment system or need help with email or....this is the best one....HOW TO CUT, COPY, PASTE IN MS WORD!!!!!!!! i actually had to go to someones house and teach them this because they couldn't figure out how to open up word on their computer.....come to find out when i got there...they didn't actually have Word installed on their computer. i had to go get them a copy and install it for them and then teach them how to use it. they then loved me and gave my number to more people.....20 messages in one day on my machine and i changed my number. last time i try to be nice!  | |
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| prezbedard 2003-10-12, 10:11 pm |
| Nothing wrong with being nice.
just
Never Give Out your Phone Number! 
Someone gave my phone number out without asking me but luckly it was only one person and I blew that person off because of it so I haven't been called again.
I will have people bring their computer to me at cyberspace or in certain situations go to their house. | |
| DaPunisher 2003-10-12, 11:34 pm |
| 8. Oh. its YOU again!
7. Thank you for calling Dominoes. Will this be delivery or pick up?
6. I am Batman! Wanna ride in the Batmobile?
5. Is that a thumb drive in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
4. Uhhh...are you, like, stupid or something?
3. No maam, your CD drive is not an eletronic cup holder!
2. Can you hold while I finish my solitare game?
1. Here's a nickel, call someone who cares! | |
| Stizzy 2003-10-12, 11:43 pm |
| yes prez...never give my # out again....
quote:
7. Thank you for calling Dominoes. Will this be delivery or pick up?
i used that one now because the damn telemarketers won't stop calling!!!!! | |
| yanqui 2003-10-17, 11:13 am |
| 10.5 Thank you for calling the helpless--uh, help desk. Now where's that instruction book? Oh yes, how may I help you?
I've decided that since this company I work for isn't interested in moving me into IT, I have "lost" all my knowledge of PC-related assistance. I no longer know how to solve even simple application problems, like why Excel quit updating formulas or how to format a footer. I now send everyone to the IT help desk, and if they're overworked and understaffed, hey, I tried to offer my services, but I'm a mercenary, not a charity. | |
| mindmesh 2003-10-17, 12:09 pm |
| Had an End User issue a ticket and it read: Customers DSL out of service since he unplugged. Please advise
Had another End User call in and the ticket read: Customer DNS called. Needs DNS info believes it to be incorrect.
EU had an email issue: Loggin to webmail center and it says no messages. There are messages outlook shows them.
(This is just this week) | |
| prezbedard 2003-10-18, 1:26 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by mindmesh
Had an End User issue a ticket and it read: Customers DSL out of service since he unplugged. Please advise
Had another End User call in and the ticket read: Customer DNS called. Needs DNS info believes it to be incorrect.
EU had an email issue: Loggin to webmail center and it says no messages. There are messages outlook shows them.
(This is just this week)
Wow. They do exist! | |
| ChrisDfer 2003-10-18, 1:59 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by Stizzy
hehehehee.....
i made the mistake of helping people in my spare time with their computer problems...gave my home phone out to 2 people...they in turn gave it to everyone who mentioned a pc related issue
Dohh!!! I am going through the same thing right now. I help some friends and friends of friends etc.. and now I have 5 people who constantly call me for every problem they have. It is even worse when someone calls me with their friend on their other phone so I have to deal with two people who have no clue with one acting as a relay.(i'm a prick I know but it is revenge from all times the machanics laughed at me and for being beating by my little sister as a child) | |
| jojogun 2003-10-20, 8:21 am |
| never say "hello this is Mr Ed" | |
| ChrisDfer 2003-10-20, 12:04 pm |
| What if your name is Ed? | |
| prezbedard 2003-10-20, 12:05 pm |
| Ed Bradly | |
| bearing 2003-10-21, 3:44 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by ChrisDfer
Dohh!!! I am going through the same thing right now. I help some friends and friends of friends etc.. and now I have 5 people who constantly call me for every problem they have. It is even worse when someone calls me with their friend on their other phone so I have to deal with two people who have no clue with one acting as a relay.(i'm a prick I know but it is revenge from all times the machanics laughed at me and for being beating by my little sister as a child)
Start charging them, they'll soon get bored. | |
| enforcer 2003-10-21, 5:35 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by bearing
Start charging them, they'll soon get bored.
b'stard, that was going to be my post | |
| Margus 2003-10-21, 1:43 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by prezbedard
from The Network Administrator
Number 1 should BE: You called wrong department - let me transfer you (after you have been transfered 3-4 times and still in same person on the phone) |
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