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Home > Archive > General Discussion > January 2003 > The duck
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| MartyMcFly 2003-01-28, 11:31 am |
| The duck
A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly," says the landlord, "sorry about that,it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him; "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus he talks, drinks beer and everything!" "Sounds marvellous" says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub.
The landlord says, "Hey Mr Duck. I reckon I can line you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the landlord.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right," replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the landlord.
The duck looks confused.
"What the f#* k do they want with a plasterer?" | |
| jonhiker 2003-01-28, 5:59 pm |
| A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender serves and says,"cash or would you like to run a tab?
Duck says," nah, just put it on my bill." | |
| Supertech 2003-01-28, 6:09 pm |
| got any bread? | |
| 2lazybutsmart 2003-01-29, 1:04 am |
| "No" you duck. get out of here!
Got any bread? | |
| Mr. Linux Guy 2003-01-29, 7:30 am |
| quote:
Originally posted by MartyMcFly
The duck
A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly," says the landlord, "sorry about that,it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him; "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus he talks, drinks beer and everything!" "Sounds marvellous" says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub.
The landlord says, "Hey Mr Duck. I reckon I can line you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the landlord.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right," replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the landlord.
The duck looks confused.
"What the f#* k do they want with a plasterer?"
Huh? | |
| Mauwakee 2003-01-29, 10:13 am |
| I don't get the punch line either. | |
| MartyMcFly 2003-01-29, 1:52 pm |
| the duck's a plasterer, what does a circus with a tent want with a plasterer? | |
| Supertech 2003-01-29, 2:03 pm |
| got any bread? | |
| bigdaddychud 2003-01-29, 2:06 pm |
| A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer..the bartender say "we dont serve food here"  | |
| everetjo 2003-01-29, 2:40 pm |
| A man named enforcer goes into a bar and orders a bottle of beer. enforcer sits down and hears a bunch of noise in the background. enforcer asks the bartender about the noise. The bartender tells him that they're playing barroom football. So enforcer decides to go and check it out.
He walks in and asks how to play and if he can play. A man named bearing tells him that in order to score a touchdown, you have to drink a can of beer within 10 seconds and to go for the extra point, you gotta pull down your pants and pass gas.
So they play for a while and enforcer goes for the touchdown and drinks the beer in 8 seconds. So enforcer pulls down his pants to go for the extra point. All of a sudden, a man comes up from behind and sticks his member up enforcer's rump.
enforcer jumps and says, "What the hell did you do that for?"
The man answers, "I was trying to block the extra point!!!" | |
| Supertech 2003-01-29, 2:48 pm |
| got any bread? | |
| everetjo 2003-01-29, 3:04 pm |
| ruscorp says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
"How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your caboose!!" | |
| sasquatchmann 2003-01-29, 3:40 pm |
| 'Two ladies were browsing around an art gallery when they came across a painting by an unknown artist, it depicted three black men sitting naked on a bench, the two men on the outside had black dicks, but the one in the middle had a pink dick. The two ladies looked at each other bemused trying to work out what the meaning was behind the painting. The curator seeing the two ladies looking bemused offered to tell the ladies about the painting "The painting depicts the way the African people feel about how the white man has forced their way of life onto them, and tried to control them". The ladies accepted this and decided that it was a very striking message.
After the curator had moved on, a man came over to the two ladies and asked them if they'd like to hear the real story of the painting, the ladies asked him how he would be more informed than the curator. The man told them he was the artist of the painting, and that the three men were actually three Scottish miners getting changed after a hard days work, and that the one in the middle had gone home for his lunch... |
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