General Discussion - Men V Women (the mans side)

Author

Men V Women (the mans side)

enforcer

2002-09-30, 6:47 am

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a
woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman
shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

thecomeons

2002-09-30, 7:18 am

we could settle the whole thing very easily and let arm-wrestling settle household disputes.

denis_baribeau

2002-09-30, 7:35 am

Thank much

I needded a good laught

Teck Shark

2002-09-30, 8:06 am

LOL!!!

harryp

2002-09-30, 12:23 pm

Dear Girls,

After many months of wedded bliss..........I've noticed that we always
tend to hear 'the rules' from the feminine side, well now we are going to
hear the rules from the male perspective.

These are our rules! Please note...they are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE.....They all take the same priority weighting !!!!!!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.........REALLY !!!!
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
And remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil...........Please. !!!!!!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done,
not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out. Get over it.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
Nicky....I have no idea what mauve is. !!!!!!!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

RichardJW

2002-09-30, 4:19 pm

So where you rip that off from?

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