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Home > Archive > General Discussion > October 2002 > Technician's Resignation
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Technician's Resignation
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| Teck Shark 2002-10-10, 8:40 am |
| Subject: The computer technician's resignation
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Dell, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr Baker,
As an employee of an major computer distributor, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems,
and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other
employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers.
Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Our shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change
without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Darryl Brewer. | |
| Bernie 2002-10-10, 10:08 am |
| 
I can already see I'm going use these tatics in the future.
Thanks Shark | |
| ruscorp 2002-10-10, 10:26 am |
| Cute. | |
| azimuth40 2002-10-10, 2:04 pm |
| Seems like a very reasonable letter. I just wonder why would DELL have a bright new shiny iMac within 500 feet of the office. | |
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| Zaraspook 2002-10-10, 10:35 pm |
| Whether it's true or not, it sure as hell is amusing! | |
| thecomeons 2002-10-11, 3:25 am |
| highly unethical. but justice is sweet | |
| TxBear 2002-10-11, 3:37 am |
|  Lmao,Do you mind if I copy and paste that for future use? | |
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| CoffeeFreak 2002-10-11, 3:57 pm |
| HAHA, That is one smart guy...
That's great how network admin's are basically in control of upper management ...
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| iggy4270 2002-10-18, 12:34 am |
| CTRL+C / CTRL+V = CTRL+B. Great letter Thanks Tech Shark. |
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