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Home > Archive > Adults only > November 2004 > He vs. She
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| Got a laugh out of this. Thought I'd share 
THE college THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of the English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
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STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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(rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
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(gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
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(rebecca)
A**hole.
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(gary)
B*tch.
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(rebecca)
Wanker.
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(gary)
slut.
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(rebecca)
Get f*cked.
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(gary)
Eat sh1t.
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(rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
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(gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
******************************
****************
(teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
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| 6slave6 2004-09-15, 7:28 am |
| LMAO!!! | |
| kill-9 2004-10-03, 8:52 am |
| ROFLMAO.
That is the funniest thing I've read in a while. | |
| richworxs 2004-10-14, 3:39 pm |
| Congrats.....you have just turned my stressed out Sh*tty day back into a decent one. LOL | |
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| Huh? What? You were trying to say something coherent Dulldo? Sorry, kept falling asleep halfway through whatever the heck you were trying to say.
Anyways, it appears I got under your skin a bit since you had to resort to cross posting? And although I am truely flattered that are infatuated with me enough to cross post, you should really drop the feeble attempts at flamming because your replies are rapidly drifting into lies, abuse and stupidity. You truely are a sad creature, deserving of pity, not anger. And seeing that any direct response simply feeds you, I will spare the board any further pain and suffering in having to read the pathetic drivel that oozes from your replies to me.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed individual..... | |
| richworxs 2004-11-17, 10:39 am |
| wow i must have missed something.....cant you guys just meet at the playground after school? | |
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| quote:
Originally posted by WaldoIsHere
You appear to be the one that has the protection of your buddy. I "cross-posted" (FYI this is actually not a cross post, Mr. "I am armed and you are not") because Mr. enforcer let you sneak a dig in before he locked the thread.
Sounds like you have an issue to take up with Enforcer then. And yes Einstein, you did cross-post in some pathetic attempt to get the last word in. Type-A, punk personalities are so fun to deal with.
Guess you moderators gotta stick together. I understand. It's OK for you all to slam others, but not OK for them to slam back. I think some of you rate right up there with Sexy Lexy when it comes to hypocrisy.
"Slam" all you want Dulldo, if that is what you call your posts towards me. But in reality it's more like a little kid on his back throwing a temper tantrum because he doesn't get his own way. I can email you some tissue if you'd like.
Like many others in this forum, you start the battle, yet you back out when the fighting starts. Seems like you are the one who ran out of ammo.
Nice attempt to twist that fact that you are pathetic at 'slamming'/flamming. You were given two opportunties to actually come up with some type intelligible flame/"slam" reply, you failed on both attempts, basically loosing your temper, wasting my time, and showing everyone who suffered trying to read through your grade-school ramblings that your nothing but a bumbling little troll. Why continue trying to get some type a feeble "slam" in on me, you're really not very good at it.
And for the record Dulldo, I've asked the Webmaster to remove me as moderator on 3 seperate occations over the past year. You attempt to use the moderator conspiracy angle (and not very well for that matter) like it actually means something to me. Too funny. Now go run along like a good wire-jockey and go pull some more cables. But, as it appears you have to have the last word in. I'm sure you'll have something cleaver to say. Well, cleaver is probably a big stretch. How about practicing on someone else and come back when you are actually better at "slamming" 
Have a nice day. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 12:59 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by WaldoIsHere
Yup, you've now resorted to name calling. The moment you did that, you lost all credibility
What about you and smrkdown, or countless others; you are the one who insists on name calling.
Strange, you have to hide behind an alias account to disparage other members.
You should take heed of your signature regarding your own worthless opinion.
Get ready for the highly intellectual and hilarious retort by the member also know as Waldo.
In the meantime, here is a gift for you Waldo.
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 1:17 pm |
| Spoken like a true loser.
Wasn't this your reply earlier in the thread:
"Like many others in this forum, you start the battle, yet you back out when the fighting starts. Seems like you are the one who ran out of ammo."
You remind me of AMD, no idea why.
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| quote:
Originally posted by WaldoIsHere
...the rest of your post is just a bunch of garbage. That's all I needed to see. You just lost your lunch money.
Here's one more for you.....
Sorry you didn't have your dictionary with you. Those were some really big words...I know.
As for a creditbilty comment coming from you, go look in the mirror and read your sig line beginning with "Pardon me...."
Now you should really try to work on your tap dancing, as you're not very good at that either. In fact, your not really good at anything I've seen you do around here. Oh wait, I take that back you are good at posting your trademark  .
You peaked my interest slightly in the begining, and thought you'd be fun to tussle with, but you were a disappointment (you can probably see that trend in your life as well don't you), and I grow weary of you. Now go run along like a good little troll. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 2:36 pm |
| Calling someone a loser is stating fact, not name calling. I suggest you read your own posts again and see how contrived your own arguments are.
Marking someone as "irrelevant", excellent retort; you shoot more blanks that reserve Militia, not exactly ammunition which ever way you slice it.
Just because you need to vindicate yourself due to your self proclaimed importance and need to be heard; dictating that everyone should value your opinion does not warrant people with less time on their hands than yourself getting embroiled in slander that you perpetuate because you have nothing better to do.
As I stated earlier, an intelligent and hilarious retort on your part.
I can not wait for the next enthralling instalment.
Just out of interest, are you registered with the first two forums linked in your signature?
I can guarantee that you relish the anonymity of separate user names, so that you can judge others with impunity.
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| richworxs 2004-11-17, 3:14 pm |
| whats wrong with being a wire jockey? You say it as if pulling cable is a humiliating job or something. Not trying to jump into the flaming or anything. I am sure their is some history to that comment but i thought i should jump in and defend the cable pullers everywhere. | |
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| Whoa! great reply there Waldo. *yawn* I need a cup of coffee after that one.
I rest my case. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 5:14 pm |
| Firstly, call it hypocrisy or simply the dichotomy of Waldo and your other username; if you don’t give a damn about everyone else’s worthless opinion, why spend so much time arguing your point of view?
Secondly, why bother answering questions when you can brush them aside with frivolous remarks? You are so eager to condone others for precisely the same action stating they have no ammunition.
Can't think of a time you have ever hassled me to be honest, you just show yourself up for what you really are. When you put statements in your signature for example, that says it all really.
Pretty much like the way you have to twist everyone's responses in an attempt to validate your arguments.
More food for thought.
Get ready for another classic reply folks.
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 5:31 pm |
| As stated earlier, you try to twist everything in your favour.
"I openly admit to using a different username here so I CAN judge others with impunity."
- Can't argue with intelligence that that.
if you don’t give a damn about everyone else’s worthless opinion, why spend so much time arguing your point of view?
We all know who the hypocrite is, thanks for clearing it up.
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| sandy7000 2004-11-17, 5:47 pm |
| Note to self: remember it's not a thumb's up. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:12 pm |
| quote:
Originally posted by WaldoIsHere
Clear what up? Everyone already knew you were a hypocrite.
Read this thread, no bigger hypocrite every walked the earth (Or trolled a forum)
Keep on answering when you don't give a damn about anyone else's opinion.
Or condone others then do the exact same actions you previously disparaged.
Touched a nerve have we?
Hilarious!
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:25 pm |
| Wrong as always (You're getting quite good at that) As you are the one who resorts to bad language it shows who is annoyed.
Oh, as you don't give a damn etc. yawn.
Why are you still answering?
Hypocrisy personified, just keep digging!
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:29 pm |
| You're not exactly the sharpest tool in the box, are you?
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:33 pm |
| Why is it? | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:39 pm |
| Do hillbillies have posters of you on their walls?
They may admire stupidity, the rest of us are far more fortunate.
Subtle nuances of the English language such as answering a question prove challenging to you.
What did you study at high school? Pig ignorance.
If I were you, I’d get used to the following phrase as you will need it in your upcoming career
“Would you like fries with that?”
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 6:49 pm |
| No, just you are erasing all your attempts at justification.
Pity you can't erase the quotes in other peoples posts, or hadn't you thought of that?
What was that frequently quote regarding ammunition?
You don't have any friends, do you?
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 7:02 pm |
| You really don't know when you are beat, do you?
Five gold stars await your future, sporting a badge with your name on it and an employee of the month picture.
You will manage the drive thru one day my boy.
In case you didn't notice, the time you edit your posts is displayed in italics near the bottom!
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 7:09 pm |
| Here we have a classic example of clutching at straws. Try and at least make an effort.
Everyone else lets you think you've won because they are bored with the lack of tangible replies.
No salvation in sight, huh?
No wonder you frequent this forum if your contributions to the other sites are as constructive.
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 7:58 pm |
| I'll be sure to write that one down.
Is this what you do when you are not writing scripts for SNL?
You are such a funny guy, no really.
Any other side splitting retorts?
What about the one about the argument that you didn't stand a chance in?
You have to contribute and make valid point against the opposing opinion instead of editing posts, not realising that the time the post is edited is recorded.
Then back up your opinion with proof and substance. Not a make believe story about dogs and puppies.
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 8:17 pm |
| No one saw that coming.
I guess they don't have shifts in America then?
You're running on empty, again!
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 8:23 pm |
| Are you getting help with these replies?
I've had the misfortune to look at those first two forums. You must be proud, what a hive of activity they are.
I'm surprised the ISP doesn't charge for extra bandwidth the amount each site must use during the day.
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-17, 8:32 pm |
| You really do have nothing of interest to say, everyone else besides you knows this.
Try repeating the same phrase in order to appear funny, at least for your own amusement.
Pity you have limited intellect or you would have realised this a long time ago.
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| sandy7000 2004-11-18, 1:50 am |
| So...if everyone's posting at a late hour, who wants to admit to going commando while doing it?
Wouldn't that be an interesting poll? | |
| sandy7000 2004-11-18, 11:07 am |
| Are you admitting to something???? | |
| sandy7000 2004-11-19, 11:19 pm |
| I just tooted. Is that what you meant? | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-21, 4:35 pm |
| You need to register on Aintitcool; they have hundreds of members who haven't got a clue regarding what they are talking about.
You'll fit right in with your skills of not being able to hold your own in a discussion and being self opinionated.
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| sandy7000 2004-11-21, 6:22 pm |
| All I said was that I farted.
I wouldn't really call that an opinion, unless the timing was dead right. | |
| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-21, 7:33 pm |
| We tried but you keep getting back in.
Perhaps you've just finished nap time?
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| Sexy Lexy 2004-11-21, 7:38 pm |
| Well, your mommy doesn't have a problem with you when you crap yourself.
That explains the strange smell that follows you around.
Either that or use a stronger toothpaste.
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